i'd snapped my fingers back to 2 months ago and i'd save my relationship with that special someone.
fucked! i screwed up 2 relationships in my life. i just can't seem to stop THINKING ABOUT HER! and everything about her and things that is associated with her! it's of no use anyways. she wouldn't care now. sigh.
green green green:)
at 11:03 pm
Thursday, May 27, 2010
just like any other night, minus the smile on my face.
all i know it's broken.. sigh.
good night.
green green green:)
at 10:51 pm
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
i plan to have my birthday party/picnic there this year. i love marina barrage. :)
green green green:)
at 12:05 am
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
i picked up my phone and took my all courage to dial the very number that is still stored in my head. even when i tried to dial for my mother's hp, i would accidentally dialled her number because the first few numbers are alike. so, i chose to call her on a random action.. well actually it's not really random. it's the fact that i had been somewhat dreaming and thinking about her. hmm dreams aren't true but thinkings are.
so dialling the number was already hard enough but waiting for her response was an earthquake. my heart beat like it was the first time to call her.. i asked her how is she doing and all and i expect that she wouldn't want to be talking to me. so i had my say and i hope i feel much better now. if she's doing well, i should be too, right?
i'll find my better days. i find my happiness. i'll find my own track again.
green green green:)
at 11:56 am
it's routine, routine, routine!
lately, there has been nothing much to blog about, apart from going and coming back from work. i have also found a some sort of a therapy for myself and that is work my ass out. i've been doing some intervals for myself and i don't know if it is of any help. ohh well so long my everything is occupied and pre-occupied, it's all good for now, at least.
i have few months left in the force. honestly, i will definitely miss working for the force, i will miss the people i work with and definitely the work itself. if all fails after my diploma, that is if i don't do well. i told myself i'll be signing up for the force back. i don't mind working my ass off back. besides, by that time, i'll be almost at my mid age and still single. i got to at least have savings for my future. i doubt byt then any girls would want me. HAHAH! i'll sit at starbucks coffee with my laptop signing up for online dating sessions. i know, scary!!
well i'm still looking for jobs till i end my career as a police officer. hopefully journey does not stop there. i still have my vision quite clear being a teacher. let's all hope it's achieved.
green green green:)
at 9:51 am
Thursday, May 13, 2010
soundcheck:she flys me away - jason derulo
i'm too lazy to do anything. i'm all set to go out later. i've been thinking alot. alot. ALOT! i can't effing blog with good entries either.
i dreamt about the girl i thought she was everything. i dreamt about the girl who makes me think that i could be all okay, when everything's not. i thought she could be that someone who makes a difference apart from my past relationship. i dreamt we got back and everything was all so fine. like it was nothing to forgive and forgot about. ironic, i know. she's probably in her own world. why are we even on a topic about her? i don't think she knows if i actually existed in her life.
johan, please do something about yourself! please!
green green green:)
at 2:51 pm
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
i'm at my toughest rollercoaster ride. Allah please guide me. mummy i'll try my very best to do what it takes to make you feel better..
green green green:)
at 11:41 pm
Sunday, May 09, 2010
i was watching smallville just now and it was one of the episode where lana lang married lex luthor. it was a sad one though coz usually clark kent, being a superman, he would probably change something and make it not happen. but i guess maybe not all have happy endings, reality, comics, cartoons, movies. clark kent really loved lana lang but she chose lex luthor instead.. haha, well for me, i almost have the same story line. haha! things never really fall in to place, unless said and done.
ugh, i'm watching the next episode now. happy mother's day! :)
green green green:)
at 6:46 pm
Friday, May 07, 2010
tears roll down my cheeks as the past that haunts my thoughts. i wished it was just a simple right click away and to be sent to the recycled bin and be totally deleted off. i wish. i really wish. i don't know why, i don't get it. after all that has been done, i just don't learn my lesson. i just don't understand why i still think about what that burnt me is not lesson learnt. why?
i have been having short migrains here and there and it hurts. i hope this is temporary because it has been on going. i need my family and friends. i need you guys now. please help me out.
this is probably the best way to be reaching out and also letting myself out from misery. it's a good thing i still have a blog... for now, good night.. dark world.
green green green:)
at 11:33 pm
Thursday, May 06, 2010
i am not shutting my blog. i think that i'll keep it for as long as i can now and put on as many blog entries as i could. i decided that i changed my url so that no one would probably know. let's hope so.
sadly, i still think about the past, i still think about though that short few month of being a relationship with her, i still think why i deserved this?
sigh. i'm moving on slowly. i will. there's no use looking on the past except the for happy moments. i've surrendered all my thoughts and hopes about thinking if i could actually make anything happen and happy.. i'm living what goes on and on now. help me God. i'll be with you throughout. not forgetting my family as well. i guess that there are probably more important things right now than being so emotionally pathetic and useless in life. :)
i'll put on a smile when i drift all my pain and sorrow away that i brought onto myself.
green green green:)
at 9:09 pm
Monday, May 03, 2010
it's probably the time i shut my blog soon.
there's so many bad entries and uncertainties.
i'm done with my pathetic blog, my life.
i shall close it soon.
thank you readers, if there is any.
green green green:)
at 1:39 pm
Saturday, May 01, 2010
don't bother me, don't bother me, alejandro.
green green green:)
at 12:15 am
