I'M IN DISTRESS! hmm no.. not really.
somehow i think my maths teacher is a pain in the arseee. she is one lousy maths teacher, i hate her soo much i'm going to fail my maths. ok, a little overreacting but she's really a pain in the arseee. at the rate that i know nuts about maths, and all the equation shits. i am truly going to fail my maths. I NEED HELP! yes i really need help in maths. i want to pass this module so i won't stay back and my whole of next term will be damn messed up. i don't have to add it into my already messed up life.
the reason why my i'm in distress is because that my iTunes is corked up! can you believe it???? no ipod for the time being till i'll get it fixed! i'm soooo bothered about it. ipod is everything if you don't know man... life is random. okok.. somehow i'm quite bothered by things. i'm not sure with what though. i think i'm struggling with school and my schedule. it's not that cramped up but i think i cannot handle too many things. i mean i have school, work, hockey, i have yet to go for my floorball training, i just took up bike license. ahhhh.. see what i mean? i'm too stoned or too slow to be doing all of these at one go. a new start perhaps but i don't know. i guess my habit is that i think waaaayyy toooo mucccchhh.
tomorrow another long day. i end at 6 and then meeting up my old friends at toa payoh, hopefully it won't be for long because i really need to get home early for school next day.. though they are having their holidays. i think for the month of june, things are just going to be quite hectic. oh well, i chose to be that way. and i shall not think too much about life because it's always full of surprises, which i really HATE alot. i want life to be planned out already, not to find out myself. nah.. i'm so full of shit.
i'm missing my ipod already, it's lying infront of my computer with no songs in it. it is soo lifeless. it will be back soon hopefully. i think i crap too much, too much i think i need to crap too. anyway, school life is soo not lively. my class is soo dull, we're not mixing around. we're not mixing around at all. that is soo not cool. i think when i got free time i want to go down to my sister's place and watch mtv. cable visiooooonnn man.
ohh, i will have a phone line in my room to myself soon. i don't find it as a use but it's coming next week. i still feel bothered about my life in distress when i think everything is going well already. hmm i don't know. i smell durian anyway, i'm going to the kitchen to get some.
today's entry is quite random. hmm..
on an island in the sun,
we'll be playing and having fun
and it
i can't control my brain.
island in the sun - weezer
green green green:)
at 8:14 pm
Friday, May 26, 2006
soundcheck: hypnotize - system of a down
and so, life carries on. hmm.. ok, that sounded abit like Days Of Our Lives. do you watch that soap series shit?? it's freaking longgg.. since i was in pri 6. or maybe younger than that. i wonder if the series is still going on. soooo draggy, like this indonesian series, Dia. i watch that sometimes. it's sooo bitchy. sooo drammaaa.. there's too much of the backstabbing. sooo makes it interesting. ok.. so it was quite a day for me. school ended at 1130, met up ahmad at dover to head down to potong pasir for prayers. it has been a looooong time since i've been to masjid alkaff. i mean, those were like during my secondary school era. where all it's all so happening shit! and then met up with hanis, catch up with him for awhile before he headed town for lunch with his friends. after that, we all went our seperate ways. ahmad waited for his father to go look for new bikes. he has a bike license already, cool shit right? i followed hanis because it was on my way home. then he went off, i had to rush home because i had to meet shafi at bt gombak mrt for registration enrolling for bike license. yes soo, it's our turn. we plan to finish it by end of this year/or starting of next year. you see that passport photo on the left there, that is me, with my ugly messed up hair, with my big eye balls and trying to force my dimple out. bloody hell, i came unprepared. i was in my cap, and i didn't bring my passport photo. so i had to waste $6 and take a new one. anyway, the briefing went quite smoothly, i will be going for the lesson soon. ok, i'm having alot of dreams of riding around singapore now. okok dreams are dreams as you can see. ohh, i think now i have to become some organised person that i need to set my own time table and my own financial planning for each month. i am going to fix that green board in my room, and i'm going to stick all the important information about what's life happening TODAY is all about. i will have alot of fooolscap sticking on that greeeen board. ok, i feel soo dependent. i need something to guide my life through. ok, i shall ask my father to drill a hole for my green notice board. don't ask why it's green anyway.school on the other hand, is much much interesting but freaking tough i would say. i am somehow quite lost but most of the teachers are quite helpful enough. i'm having difficulties in maths of course but i guess abit of practicing and my old friends help would do good. i freaking hate the maths teacher i have because she is not fucking helpful. what kind of a teacher are you, shit! damn it, so pissed off when she told me off that she had not time to teach me abit. just because it was after class hours. what the fuck? anyway, i shall strive this time, i must! i cannot lose this chance just because i got into higher nitec with abit of luck. i'm quite happy that i've made through somehow with the help of my uncle who teaches there. syukur. amin. i need to concerntrate more this time, it's totally a different enviroment. everyone in class in chasing to sit infront, to listen about the lesson. there's no more of us sitting behind, listening to mp3, drawing shits and throwing papers or something like that anymore. well those were the nitec days. now it's higher nitec.
hockey! yes you'll be shocked because why suddenly am i blogging about hockey after 2 years. i missed hockey actually. i missed playing for teh big big teams. like i used to be in the premier team, i am boasting because it's true i was in the premier team and also i was proud. but after not attending for trgs anymore and in ite, i'm not so active like how i'm in secondary school. i became from bad to worse. this is my 3rd year that i will be playing for div 1 and i hope that i will get to move on to premier div next year, but i know that won't come true. hahaha. i just hope to play like how i use to. i wanna score goals. not just one.. bu maybe 3 goals in a year? i know, i know, i am that bad but i score goals ok, it's not alot, but they're still goals! 2006 somehow i will picture it as a achieving year for me. i need to work my ass out alot now. i need to push myself!
ok.. i'm off to drink milo. ohh i'm working tomorrow, going jogging. fitness babe! fitness babeeeeey!
i'm just sitting in my car and waiting for my girl.
system of down - hypnotize
green green green:)
at 9:26 pm
Monday, May 22, 2006
soundcheck: blood on the ground - incubus
ok.. it's a monday, i'm already on my computer blasting incubus song. my mother is going to yell at me anything. well i will be leaving for school soon. called up sara yesterday, talked to her how's stuff and all. well we kinda talked about the past but yeah, we try not to think about it now, or something like that before we breakdown. so i guess it's fine now. hmm hopefully. anyway, the reason why i blog in the morning now is because that my freaking internet line does not have to be disconnected. like what the hell the shit was all about lah. soo irritating. but at least i won't feel bored at home. i feel lifeless without a computer and a internet connection. soo hopefully it stays this way.
ok i need to go pack my stuff and bathe. YAY! i still have internet connection.
green green green:)
at 10:43 am
Sunday, May 21, 2006
soundcheck: soul meets body - death cab for cutie
ok, i have to blog this. i will be losing my internet connection soon for one week due to my new line coming which is next coming monday. not this coming monday. i will be missing on my online mates. i will miss downloading songs. soo i will be missing you guys, missing watching porn... no i'm kidding. really i am kidding.. no i'm not lying and no i'm not guilty. i don't watch porn... anymore. i have better things in life right now? well i used to, like which fellar won't? don't tell me there's someone soo innocent? anywwwayy..
soo there will be no internet connection for a few weeks and then maybe i'll be back. hopefully. ahhahha. i had fun spending time with my friends today. i wore that cool shit. long sleeve rocks. but the weather sucks? hahaha anw, i got work tmr. goodnight singapura.
ohh P.S. PLEASE DOO MISS ME AND MY BLOG. NO SAD, EMO ENTRIES FOR THE TIME BEING, BUT ENJOY THE SCREAMO SONG IF YOU DO DROP BY. PLEASE TAG THAT JOHAN!!! YOU SUCK BIG TIME!!!! I'LL BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN. noo.. really i want you, you, you, you to miss me. so start missing. i'm not blogging anymore till i have a new internet connection. alright, i'm offf..
green green green:)
at 1:18 am
Friday, May 19, 2006
soundcheck: i will survive - cake
you know, life is like some cycle. it's there's surely an ending to everything. some are good, some are bad. ohh before i carry on, please be advice my blog is prone to emo entries. so please emo is disgusting you off, there's always a back button, or a close button. ahha.. so anyway, like i said, some are bad, some are good. life has been pretty much confusing. really really confusing.
i should listen to more corrinne may songs. it should be uploaded on my ipod. i need that on my way to school or work. well i'll be working tomorrow. going to meet up my friends after work. i hope it will rain tomorrow.
i'm thirsty now, i want milo. goodbye. i want to change my blog link.
randomness.
green green green:)
at 9:32 pm
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
soundtrack: goodbye to you - michelle branch
you must be wondering why i'm listening to michelle branch when my blog song is such screamo song? oh well.
it's wednesday, i was late for school today. i gave my first bad impression during maths class today. though i think it's rather to be late than not to attend school at all. because i realised, if you've missed one class, you'll be lost for the whole term. and soo, engineering maths is killing me. and i find the teacher not helpful at all. though i did learnt something new. i'm getting it, but i need to be taught slower than the others. i realised one thing about me i'm a slow learner. and this maths teacher sucks because she doesn't knows that we're actually lost. i have to come up to her after every new topic she brings up. i think i am going to step down floorball for awhile. i have too many commitments. yes once again, commitments, commitments. aargggh!
i realised also today that i make life hectic for myself. i've been doing alot of self-findings. haha, yea.. but i make things worse for myself when i can have it all. i think too much. i want something out of to be perfect but i think sooo much for perfection that i ruined it. it's like for example, i expect something to be soo perfect in a relationship and while it's going soo well, i think more than well, more than better, i realised i just ruined it. but it's all just comes up to me. i started all of these and now, i somehow have to clear that habit away from me. hmm, i don't believe in horoscopes before but it's quite true and it's somehow like me? hahha. oh well.
i'm sure you've all heard corrinne may? i think her songs are very soothing. it somehow makes you wanna go cry happily in your darkest moments. haha, i used to have the album i ripped from my nephew. can you believe it, he's only 9 years old, and he has an album, he has linkin park feat jay z album. when i was 9 years old, i only started to learn to shit in school. and then i was sent home from my remedial class because a piece of shit was stuck on my school pants. so my teacher said, nevermind, you can go home. hmm, those were childhood days in SAJS. where i made most friends, and together we moved to secondary school. and bonded really closer. but now, we're soo much apart. some doing their last year in poly, some waiting for school again in nanyang fine arts, some doing their second year jc. and me, i'm just like anyone of them. continuing to study.. but i'm not sure if i could handle it. but i keep telling myself it's going to help me alot if i work hard now. i want to have a good job and start a family happily. but i guess for now, i won't stop going further. i've always wanted to be a P.E teacher. i'll work for it. even though if i turn 35 at that age. so long as i'm contented with what i have. because never in my life, i have felt contented. never. and it's soo sad. but like what i've said, i make it looks sad when it's not at all? somehow right now, i'm typing in tears, hahha it kinda contradicts. but yeah.
oh well. anyway, this weekend i'll be working and this friday i won't be having school. i plan to hang out with my friends on friday and saturday after work. but most of them can't make it on friday except my school friends. saturday i plan to meet up with hanis and the gang! it's been a long time since we last met. i actually wanted to go for the big walk but it's too late, and i'm rostered to work, it was last minute because they couldn't find anyone else to work and i volunteered to work, without looking at the date it was 21st and there's a big walk happening. ohh well. i hope my weekend is spent wonderfully. i'm tired of working. it makes you feel so old, soo lifeless. but yeah, everything has a story in it.
ok i type too much, tomorrow school starts at 1030 and ends at 6. yet another long day for me. i need to get a rest somehow. goodnight.
green green green:)
at 9:13 pm
Friday, May 12, 2006
soundcheck: fly away - lenny kravitz
and so, life has been pretty much busy for me, of course. i had took up a new activity, floorball in school. i hope to represent for my school for the trials selection. i've also took up track and field. i realised that i have no trainings yet but i know i still have my stamina with me though i am growing a belly. a happy belly i guess. life has been pretty much occupied. but not for sara, i know somehow she's trying to get rid of the past but she can't. i called her afew times to ask her how she's doing. and yeah, she's been trying to put a fake smile. which i don't want to. i just want her to be happy but i guess i can't. yes as you know now, i am one bad person who did this to her. and i was never proud of that. to break someone's feeling, you could actually just feel the heart goes shattering. maybe that's just me, i'm too sensitive. but i will call her to check on how's she's doing. i really hope she's doing and try to cope well too.
i realised that although most of my friends are in relationships, i am yet to be ready to have one. because i can't even figure out my messed up life and i know i have a messed up life. it's my life, and i want it good. i would want to succeed in my new course, mechatronics. i really like the environment because it's more of people who are matured. and they know when it's time to keep quiet in class and just joke a little with the teachers and study hard. i would want to be the first ITE student to be actually sitting inside the library or macs or anyway to study maths. i am going to practice maths. but i need my friends, like ahmad and hanis. i could only depend on this 2 guys for maths. i could remember calling them when i had homework. see, i am kental.
hockey training is going to be intensive(i keep saying that but nothing comes out of it.) i am going to somehow force myself to go training. it's soo fun because my coach is a motivator. really, he's been coaching me since P3. and because of him, i would want to pursue my dreams to be a PE teacher. but first i would need my diploma. and let's not go there first, i have a hurdle to jump over and that is my higher nitec. well, higher nitec is going to be hard, i will say that because i actually see ITE students sitting at the chill out benches around the school, with calculators and LOUD music beside them, which is cool. really cool. the teachers are really helpful because they know we're hungry for that cert? my first target set for this term's GPA is going to be 2.5. i'll slowly move on to a higher GPA point if i achieve it. i like to take things slow, but it contradicts because i have no patience.
i have trainings almost everyday, floorball plus hockey. and weekends i work. WOW. some crazy shit. i would want to try this out. actually this has happened before during sec school but during that time i was just occupied with friends and hockey. lots of hockey. hahha. now i have friends who are in different class, and we seldom meet up, i have friends who are in other schools and busy with their own stuff. mostly all my friends are in different school and classes. some in poly, some in jc, some in the same school but different school. so it's me and my ipod everyday, make it every morning. hahaha.
today is one big happy family event. we actually went out as a family for dinner. it's actually for Mother's Day Dinner kind of thing. and i felt so at home, i mean i felt so at eased. i mean to be honest, i've never had a family gathering in such a long time, i could actually burst into tears. i kind of did a catch up life with my family. like my mother, been listening what she has to say to me, because i never gave her time to speak to me, i'll always be a bad son and shut myself away from her. my sister, i always quarrelled with her, and it's a never ending war. but today, we did some catch ups. did a little last minute before the store closes shopping. she used her espirit 10% card to get a discount for this long sleeve chill shirt my father bought. damn cool. my father, did abit of asking him what to do and all, i asked him that i was going to enrolled for my bike license soon enough. he said to give a go, and i kind of pull his leg to sponsor me abit. and he's like to. he actually spent $77 for my chill long sleeve shirt. i think it's damn cool man! really, never i was soo into making myself look good, because i never bothered. and i dooo look good. and nooo, i'm not bragging or perasan. perasan means being ego or vain. one of them if i'm not wrong. my brother in law, we kind of talk abit here and there, because we seldom really talk but i tried to start up a few conversations with him. my little niece and nephew. they're the same lah.. very very nakal, nakal means naughty. but they're my little bunch. i'll have time to mix with them when i'm not tired. hahaha.
so today's entry was really just H A P P Y. :) i'm looking forward to more days like this.
ohh hanis, read your blog, we should hang out soon. i'll try to make up a date for all of us man, just the normal bunch of us. i missed sec school times alot alot. just tell the date, i'll probably try to get a replacement if i happened to work on that day. working is not a good thing lahh, it makes you feel old.
OHHH! i have to blog about this. i think one day, I would really one to work in some coffee shops. as in those starbucks or coffee bean kind of thing. it's sooo chillling man! love the atmosphere. if i happened to work there, i'll be happy and dazed making coffee for everyone, they'd be happy too! :)
so, this was my stupid incident at raffles city starbucks.
johan- can i have one chocolate frapp---idon'tknowhowtospell.
cashier- yea sure, would you like it with cookies? it will be more crunchy.
johan- hmm yeah sure. (in my heart i was like going, what the hell he meant. because i knew nuts about starbucks.)
cashier- ok sir, which size would you want?
johan- hmm i'll just go for the $5.20 one.
cashier- ohh sorry sir, because chocolate frapp with the cookies crunch, the small one would be $6.00.
johan- hmm ok, it's alright. (VERY EMBARRASSED ALREADY.)
coffee-maker- hi anyone ordered for java blah blah blah(some coffee lah)
johan- (i thought it was mine because it's chocolate in colour, so i went ) ohh yes, ehh.. sorry, hmm i ordered this(points to the crumpled receipt.)
the guy beside johan- ohh that's mine. thanks anyway. :)
johan- (i was smiling at myself, soooo embarrased!)
so that my friends, was a rough scenario of how my stupidity inside the starbucks. of where the chilling stuff happens. it's soooo cool. and i think the coffee maker was saying budak ni tak pernah masok starbuck beli kopi ke? translation, this boy never come starbucks buy coffee before ahh?
there's a word for a cofee maker right? what is it? barista?
goodnight. today was a Happy Day! and Happy Vesak Day!
green green green:)
at 11:48 pm
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
soundcheck: 98.7fm - i think some emo fort minor song. where'd you go? or something like that.
ok it's a week since school started, i'm somehow find it hard to live the school life because i know nothing about mechatronics and there's maths now also. i'm also like a lonely person because all my other friends are in mechanical engineering while i'm not. my class is cool but i've yet to mix around with them. everyone's willing to learn, well it seems so that way.
lately, i've been having that stoned quiet moments when i just think about all emo stuff. i actually wrote something very long but i don't know if i'm ready to put it up on my entry. why am i dumb enough to fall for someone when my life is already messed up? hmm...
school starts at 2pm tomorrow because the morning classes were cancelled. after that friday i'll be working till sunday. it's somewhat going to be a busy week i guess. of course right now plus my mind filled with lots of stuff. why?
actually today i was supposed to attend floorball meeting cum training. i joined floorball just so to keep myself fit. i went hockey training yesterday, somehow it was good, i played like shit, very slow. i need to train more. i need to come for training more. and coming for trainings, makes me forget about what is actually on my head, i'll forget about my phone because if not i'll be moved to message someone. oh well. anyway, this is me lah, welcome back johan. i know that my life is full of negativity. haha.
ohh there goes my mother yelling at me to have my dinner. i'll be off.
i'm actually falling for you.
green green green:)
at 8:55 pm
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
it's 12plus. i can hear my fan spinning at a top speed in my room. i can hear my hamters go running on the wheels at the kitchen. i could hear bubbles from my fishtank in my living room. i'm hearing my keyboard goes "tak tuk tak tuk" as i type this entry. my days are turning gloomy.
i realised it was quite a quiet night today. school starts 9.30 so i can afford of waking up late and staying up late abit. i'm quite tired, my arms are all sored. rock climbing is not my activity. i will be back for hockey trainings. back to 1 month intensive training before tournament starts. i'm somehow feeling dazed and stoned. i'm honestly confused. can anyone help me out? my handphone is dusty. it's not running on low batt anymore. it's fully charged. yet i don't know why i would keep myself awake.
it's 1 plus now. i could still hear the same stuff going on and on. am i missing something? am i?
please call me when i'm gone. i can tell there was an accident here earlier.
green green green:)
at 12:48 am
Sunday, May 07, 2006
it's still a long road.
it's been weeks since i last updated my blog. the reason for it being abandoned for awhile was because i'm still quite down and lost. i am quite still but i realised somehow things just have to let go, good or bad, one day, it will be gone, but it just registers in our mind and no matter how hard you try to forget about it, you won't. i'm actually back from self shopping and also back from chalet, it was nice, though alot of booze.. i was there drinking chrysanthemum tea and staring at the ceiling. there were no stars. i had 3 doors down song in my head, let me go.
i felt asleep at 2 3 plus only to wake up at 9 this morning, i didn't get a good sleep because we practically slept on this single bed when there's 3 of us trying to squeeze in. shafi was mayhem, we kinda start a small moshpit on the bed, where everybody just lands on top of each other. we start pushing around and all. the good news is that the beds are still A O K. so i bathe and all, it was then left to 4 of us. ahmad, shafi, zai, and me.. we had breakfast at burger king near wild wild wet. and then we went our seperate ways. went to meet helena, as she was looking for working shoes as i was looking for school shoes. but she didn't got any. hmm oh well.
right now, i'm so tired and i bought my school shoes. i think it would be nice but i don't think it would last. i spent quite alot today and yeah, i'm going to try and hold myself back for buying other stuff. i've yet to settle my bills. tomorrow before school starts, i'll settle them. school starts at 2pm and after that i'll be having rock climbing! hahahha don't ask why i took part coz i myself don't know why. got to find out this new activity shit! it seems fun!
i also need to tell myself that i'm going to go back for hockey trainings. division 1 starts soon already. june. i have a big round tummy to get rid and it's late to get rid of it. so i shall grow old with it. either way someday i will still have that big round tummy. i'll take care of it. i promise.
ps: to those people who tagged me A BIG NO NO to stop this blog, THANKS GUYS. i don't think i'll end this blog either. it's very old and yea i can laugh at my old entries. especially when it was first started. anyway, looking forward to my fans man, somehow. hahaha. keep tagging!
green green green:)
at 5:51 pm
