i just got home, i'm feeling full after my dinner. abit tired though but i could last for another half an hour more. when to meet sara just now. it was nice spending time with her though there was a moment where we had weird time together but i don't want to let it happen again. it's really weird coz we both just tend to get so quiet and drifted away. hmm no.. that is only me. i felt bad for being such an ass la. hmm anyway, we were supposed to meet tomorrow but she had a sudden sickness. i hope she'll take care of herself, i miss her much. i hope we'll meet up someday. i just hope for now she'll get well soon. anyway, we did meet up today. won't be able to message her coz her bill flying high. i bet mine is going to fly high too. i just hope she gets well. i miss her soo much.school attachment has been busy though there's not much work but it's quite tiring. i have no time for my friends, hockey and her. i decided to skip hockey training because i really wanted to meet her. though my attachment finish quite late. but i still wanted to meet her and we did. only tomorrow and probably friday and weekends we won't get to meet since she's sick. whatever it is, i want her to be fine.
alright i'm off to sleep. i have not much to blog about. just drifting away from people, i'm not being myself. i miss hockey. i'm eating alot. i got lots of new albums to listen to now. i stoned very easily now since every break i have no friends to joke around with them and all.
i love her so much.. goodnight
green green green:)
at 9:47 pm
Friday, June 24, 2005
it's amazing that i've finished school early today. i had a feeling that it'll end like 4plus. but thank goodness. i'm dying of boredom sitting there doing nothing coz there's still not any of the production to make or do yet. so probably hell will start next week. till then it's always till 4plus. i loooooove life.
so here i am just came back from school and also from the mosque at orchard. wanted to go hmv but decided not to coz i felt bored going there just looking for albums but not buying them. there's a difference you see? hmm anyways, i'm back home. i'll be rotting for the next 8-9hours plus before i get to sleep and get ready fpr work tomorrow. i'm also called to work on sunday but i told them i can't. i had already planned to go out with sara and i hope we really will. i wanna spend the whole day with her. i feel like i've not been meeting her much coz i'm way too busy with my school attachment. hmm i asked her out today but she said she can't. i guess maybe she's going out with her friends and all. hmm i hope she's doing fine. hmm maybe she's busy or something. i tried to message her but she didn't replied much. hmm i hope she's ok coz i think something is wrong. hmm i should give her a call later.
tomorrow work again, i need to find my replacement soon. i would wanna work but i promised sara that i will be free. hmm even if we can't go out, i guess that should be fine.. i just need to find a replacement fast or else i have to work which i don't want. anyway, i'm off now. it's only 3 plus and usually i'm still not back yet at this time. well maybe fridays.
green green green:)
at 3:07 pm
Thursday, June 23, 2005
all gone!
it's the 4th day of school and i'm attached to nowhere but in school. i'll be doing electrical discharge machine or so it's called EDM. i'll be doing that for the next 5months plus. it's 8-5 everyday. it's exactly like in the factory or some company where you have to reach 8am sharp to punch our cards. only money is not given now coz there's no salary. and it's also that you still take your attendance. you'll still be in your uniform except when you're in the workshop. i should say it wasn't my luck to be attached in a company and earn some money. ohh well it's just my luck. my friends have all gone to attachment. it's all me and myself. i'll be having all of the 3 breaks myself. so sad...
i think my hockey years has gone gone so far away. it seems i can't be bothered to touch my stick or at least go down under my block and hit around. it seems i can't be bothered with almost anything. i know everything's so screwed. i guess acheiving my dreams to be a PE teacher will never come true. i can picture myself sweeping streets of singapore though. then one of my friend would come up to me and ask me where i'm working and i'll say.. this whole stretch of orchard is mine. ahh ohh well. no one would want a "good" future with me. i'll make my family so miserable. i can just picture it. it's soo visual.
ohh we met yesterday. i was so happy to see her. really been missing her for the past few days. infact i am still. i planned to spend time with her this coming weekend since i'm not working. but suddenly they called today that i'll be working on sunday. so i need to find a replacement for my work since i've promised her first. but i'm not sure if we could really meet. she might not be free. oh well. whatever it is, i'll still love her. i'm off to find food. and i just remembered today got LOST! ok i'm off..
green green green:)
at 7:57 pm
Monday, June 20, 2005
soundcheck: Everytime In Its Time - Corrinne May
soundcheck: Work - Jimmy Eat World
it was back to school again today. it was quite a tiring day. i'm still not sure if i'm attached to any company. i'm really hoping i can get attachment. we've been told that our class, only 50% of us will make it attached to companies. i'm quite sad about my gpa point. i need improvement. i need to work harder. i need to stop playing and really get done with it.
tomorrow i need to bring my safety shoes and dustcoat and goggles. ohhh... the train ride in the morning sucks again. but i am so used to it since pri 4. been taking the same line since then. only now that i stop at novena instead of toa payoh. hahaha. i'm also hoping to meet sara tomorrow. i missed her so much. we met today after her first day of school. although we met today, i think we need to spend more time together. it's just that we're filled with school and such. i promise we'll meet. she's at the hospital, her grandfather was just admitted. hm hope everything goes fine for her and all. i hope she takes care of herself too. i know she's tired. hmm ohh well. love her.
i'm off to bed soon. everything is going apart. my friends has all gone for attachment. i'm not close with my hockey mates anymore. i feel like i've abandon them. ahhhh.. ok i guess i think too much. off to stone then sleep.
green green green:)
at 11:01 pm
Saturday, June 18, 2005
soundcheck: jimmy eat world - work
soundcheck: billy talent - lies
hockey years of fun, joy and the winning spirit!~1996-2005
work today was alright. though it was abit corked up because here and there misunderstand. i did manage to pull through as an entrance ic. missed hockey match, i had no choice. i knew i was tired and even if i played, i wasn't going any further. i already knew my career ends here. that is sad but whatever it is, i have to give in. the passion for it has long gone i guess. i feel very bad not being played for finals yesterday since it was my last year. felt like crying but i mean what's the use. i've not scored any goals this year. not even in my division matches. not even in my school matches. my hockey mates are scoring goals like water. and teasing and all. hahhaha. sad to say, it's not my hockey year. it'll never be anymore. my passion for hockey ends here. hahaha. i've have no more matches coming up, my stick i bought for $120 was a waste. if this is what i get, i shouldn't have bought it and think i would go further with my skills. i had lots of experience, playing in the division 3 league was the most happening league for me. i got my yellow card, followed by under u21 another yellow card. i've never had a green or a red. maybe not anymore since it's all gone now. maybe next year if i'm still into the spirit. hahaha i think i won't that the coach's attention. he already knows me as a weak player with no confidence. how can i win a position. i could only do that if the best players are not there. i'm a second choice or no choice because i just happened to be sitting on the bench. anyway, it's no use ranting all the way. it makes me sick. i feel discouraged.
the tough gets going
i'll be working tomorrow again. hopefully everything goes fine again tomorrow. i may have a dinner after my work, a hockey dinner somewhere. haha my last hockey dinner i think. so yah. hahaha. i'll have fun reuniting with the team and talking how we won and how the subsitute enjoys shaking their legs on the bench hoping and waiting to go in, butthe next thing we find out, it's the final whistle. hahahha. anyway, there's too many stuff on my mind. i'm also thinking about my gpa points. they're not that good and i know i won't have a better future already. everything has to end so sad, i can't picture myself to be a PE teacher. i won't have my diploma cert. i'm not sure if i could go to higher nitec. my last chance is this term. i'm not sure if i'm able to perform. i easily get drifted away and i play too much instead of studying. i won't go far. i won't. i can't picture myself being there.
i love her. missing her.
also i'm thinking of how sara's doing now. i hope she's having fun, i hope she'll take care and all. i have to admit i'm missing her already. she'll be back tomorrow, probably late at night. i hope to see her next week, i just hope my school/attachment won't be so jammed pack. i seriously do want to meet her up. hmm i wonder what she bought for me there(thickskinbastard.)hahaha. anyway, i hope she'll enjoy there, which i guess should be. hahahha. i'm off to stone to jimmy eat world's, work. a very nice song to listen.
green green green:)
at 9:44 pm
and so i've decided to blog today. it's been a long time since i've last blog. been quite busy the whole week with hockey although i wasn't playing at my best, infact! i wasn't playing at all except the first 2 matches. a very typical of me. i'm used to it. i think a player has its peak to reach at its best high standard and mine sadly has to end here. i guess i couldn't go further and improve. my friends has dreams to enter the national squad which they are potentially there. all they need now is maybe recommendation? oh well, i career as a hockey player ends as a club player only. sadly i can't be like my father who is a sportman. who represented singapore before in some sports if i'm not wrong. hahhaa. i'm not talented. i'm just plain me. my dream always has been to be as fit and talented at most sports. hahaha. oh well, tomorrow i have a division 1 last match after my work. don't think i'll be going coz i end late and i'm quite tired. partially also i have no mood for it since i know i won't play well. i'm so sad about myself that i can no longer play good hockey. not saying like i've been playing good hockey but at least i know i've played well for the past 2 years since 2003.
well the good news is that we won the under 18 tournament. we're champions. and i sat on the bench. i knew this was happening coz i'm never an important player. oh well. not like i'm used to not play every finals. so ya. i'm nothing contributed to the team. just a bench warmer and cheer the team.
moving on, tomorrow i'll be working. entrance ic.have to be there early and yet i'm still awake. i have to go off soon. hope my day tomorrow won't screw up as an entrance ic. looking forward.
sara's on the bus now to kuantan now. i think she's probably somewhere at malaysian highway but not reaching kuantan yet. probably she's sleeping in the bus now coz she haven't replied my message back. i hope she'll have fun there. miss her. looking forward when she comes back here. hahhaa i'll be missing her so badly. anyway enough said. i'm off to sleep. i need to have my milo and off to sleep. goodnight goodnight.
green green green:)
at 12:30 am
Monday, June 13, 2005
soundcheck: I Won't Spend Another Night Alone - The Ataris.
this whole week had to be a turn off for me. i have under18 tournament jammed up from tomorrow till friday which is on the 17th. everyday, we have 2 matches going on andthe intervals are quite long. if i had picked this whole week for work, it'll be damn screwed up. i suddenly feel that i'm not into the under18 spirit anymore. coz i know i'll be on the bench. i know i won't perform well. i know i won't to my best. hmm whatever it is, we'll see how it goes tomorrow.
work on weekends last week was great. i guess all went quite smoothly coz i have my friends to accompany me. and of coz, sara. anyway, yesterday marked her last day of work there. hmm she looked abit confused and sad yesterday. but i hope she'll cheer up. at least we both know it's for the better for her. i guess she should be fine. school is starting soon for us. i bet she's very eager for school. hahahha. she's leaving on the 17th for her holiday and only back on the 19th. i won't get to see her before she leaves coz i'm packed with hockey matches. won't get to see her for the week. will miss her, very very much. hahaha.
training today has been cancelled. i'll be bored at home. but i think i'll be going down to causeway point to buy a new ink catridge for my printer. coz i need to print this important document for my ns medical questionaire. oh well, let's hope my monday won't be that boring. i'm off to bathe.
green green green:)
at 12:49 pm
Friday, June 10, 2005
i think my computer is going bonkers. here i am, "enjoying" a wonderful fine friday. it's quite boring but yeah.. i just got back from the mosque with my nephew an hour ago. first time for my nephew to go for friday's prayers. i hope he'll understand more as he goes for more of it. i just when to check out the school's website to see if the results are already out but actually they're not up yet. i'm quite scared. thinking how i'd do, thinking what's my gpa point. all i want is a 2.5 and above and also to get an attachment. i want to have a bright future. i bet everyone does. i know i did my best, now it's up to me to wait and see how it goes. i think it'll be out very soon. probably next week, just not sure if it's early or late next week. june 20th, school starts back for everyone in ite. june intake people will start thier first day of school. i know sara's starting her school soon and she's very excited about it.
tomorrow and sunday i'll be working. not really looking forward coz i'll be working with this irritating guy. but ohh well, this is life. anyway i have my friends working along so it should be alright. she'll be working too. that means i get to see her! hahahaha. been thinking about her. but it's like we went out on wednesday but that seemed so long ago. missed her. i think i really would want to see her next week before she leaves for her holiday just before school starts. of coz by then, i'll be really missing her. oh well.
i can't wait for school too. i'm some what quite prepared also. it's just that i'm afraid how i would do, my result scares me. i really don't want to blow this opportunity up. although most of the teachers there are unwilling to teach but i can't blame them either. it's all up to me. hmm i guess it's too late to think of this now. but whatever it is, i just want myself to do well. in whatever. under18 tournament starts next week. there 23 people in the squad. i wonder how i can be fit in to first 16. and it's a 20mins each half. 11 a side. 1 day, 2 games. i guess next week would be quite jam packed. but i hope it'll all be managed and organised. i planned to work or at least just one day. then the rest, it's all hockey. and not forgetting going out with her. all in all, it should be fine. i'm off to stone.
green green green:)
at 3:34 pm
ok.. the room in here is quite cooling. my tv and my computer is switched on, not forgetting my 2 fans on full blast. i was watching Lost on tv and now One Tree Hill. both, a good series to watch. i did also catch the last Chase episode. they got together!!! wheee! miracles do happen. hahhaa. oh well, i'm staying awake trying to accompany her while messaging her coz her work just ended, and she's waiting for her shuttle transport. i just hope she's fine, coz she's been awake since 7am, and headed to the zoo at 9am to jog, then she started her work at 3pm all the way till about like 11.30pm. hmm she must have been really exhausted. at least the good part to know that her last working day would be on sunday, i'm really hoping for it coz i know she's had enough. i think she worked hard already. it's time for school and her long rest before school starts. i hope she'll be ok. she is a strong girl afterall who can bully me. hahhaa.
the night's quite cooling. must have been the drizzling just now. i hope it'll rain tonight, and not tomorrow coz i want to go for friday prayers without getting wet. i've not went to the mosque for friday prayers for 2 weeks. that's very sad and of coz bad. i know i'm not so religious and all but i guess i have to make this up. that's not an excuse. anyway, let's hope for now it'll rain tonight. hahha. and also, i hope she'll be very fine. i think we should meet up before she goes for her holiday. went out with her yesterday after work and we went to ang mo kio for finner and to shop for her stationery. it was nice being with her, just felt so nice. i think she look very nice yesterday too coz i like the way she dressed. she looked matured. hmm.. anyway, the feeling was nice. although i felt bad for not sending her home coz she insisted, but still. oh well.
green green green:)
at 12:02 am
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
yes! i'm into the realms of being so drifted away that i've wrote a poem! i feel proud! i feel like i'm having this 2003 mood again. all i do is just stone and words starts to pop out! so here it goes, i think it's abit shitty but oh well.
As I sat beside the window
I could feel the wind blows
The breeze that was really cooling
And it sets me away drifting
It sets me thinking about you
Thinking about being with you
To think that this was all not true
But I was wrong, and they do come true
I felt the warmth but yet breezy
Somehow around you, I feel comfy
Just hope things would go smoothly
For now, I just want us to be happy.
green green green:)
at 11:56 pm
tuesday was alright. although i was practically going around singapore. i was from jurong east, waited for my friends, then head to lavender to extend my passport, then head back to queensway shopping centre thinking that there'll be royal sporting house there. then we headed to the airport coz we decided to meet shafi there coz he was sending his grandparents and his father off, and it happened that i've not been to the airport since a long bloody time. so anyway, we headed there, went to check out T1 and T2. see some planes flew off. damn nice la. i wish i had my digicam with me. airport is one of the nicest places i like. other than that is suntec coz it's damn damn quiet there. hahaha. so then we head back to city hall, suntec to check out royal sporting house there. but got a new cap from the citylink flash and splash instead. then we headed orchard, ngee ann city's royal sporting house there, the stadium. there i spent like nobody's business coz i had this $100 voucher. and the most important thing is that i got my street soccer shoes! whee.
anyway, after all the travelling all around singapore. we went to lucky plaza to have a budget dinner meal!!! damn, i think it was worth it la. everything rocks there compared to banquet. you can call that a cheapskate banquet. hahaha. so nice. i don't even think i'm wasting my money! hahaha. anyway, i felt like i was spending too much, which i am actually not. hahha.. so i decided to give some to my mother, i think it was good enough. i am proud for doing that. i think she is too. i'm blessed. she is too! :) i don't want things to get worse for now. not ever.
speaking about don't want things to get worse for now and not ever, i've been thinking about the same thing about with her. i think i've securely held myself in a position i think where i am comfortable and i hope she is too. i am really waiting for that really nice moment to tell her what i've been planning for so long. i just need that moment. it will come. i guess "Hold on to patience and watch for the sign, Everything in its time". hahaha that was from the corrinne may's song. hope to have dinner with her tomorrow. she's working from 12pm till 7.30pm. i'll wait for her for awhile. let's hope tomorrow, everything would go smoothly. though i'm abit sad and felt abit bad that she couldn't quit her job coz the people there don't allow her. which i think is unreasonable. very unreasonable. i'll try to convince her again tomorrow. but at the same time, we'll have fun. haha she's making cookies now. ummm yum yum. cookies makes me go gaga.
i'm off to envy at the stuff what i've just bought just now. i still miss the moment at the airport just now. i think going there is very nice although it has changed alot. but somehow i think it's still quite soothing. sitting, watching the planes, enjoying the silence, and of coz the aircon. i wished that i was with her just now. but she was at JB. hahhahaa oh well. anyway, off i go..
green green green:)
at 10:39 pm
Sunday, June 05, 2005
it's quite funny of me during my secondary school. i'm full of emo-ness. i was reading my past entries. my sec 4 life. and i came across this poem i wrote. hahhaa somehow i just find it quite nice also. anyway, here it is;
Missing You
Lying down in an empty space.
I wonder where is this place.
Looking up the sky with a shining moon.
Only that could light me back home soon.
Wishing someone by my side.
Together we could share this lovely night.
Wish I could hold you tight in my arms.
Just to keep you safe and warm.
Never felt like this before.
With you, my life is never a bore.
Walk with me home tonight.
Forever we'll be side by side
yes, laugh at me. those were the emo emo simple plan years of my secondary school life. i still am one though. hahhaha.
green green green:)
at 1:00 am
Saturday, June 04, 2005
i guess it's all about trusting each other*
i hope this would be a quick entry. i just got back from the night safari. followed my friends for the induction they had. well, they got the job already. some of them will be working tomorrow. i'll be working with them, i'll be the entrance IC for the first time. shockingly. i am really looking forward to meet the batch but there's just this 2 new guys, i just don't seem to quite like them much. i mean maybe i'm just being paranoid but i guess it'w they react to every girl they see. it's like they'll talk to that girl like they've known each other for ages la? i mean what the heck? hmm anyway, i hope that doesn't bother me. i know my friends find them more than annoying! i just hope they won't last long! i know i'm being bad but yeah! please......
anyway, work today was hell! i felt damn bad for my entrance IC, Rotela. coz it was only the 2 of us from morning till 6 and we had non stop guest coming from everywhere. i obviously gave up half way. i was practically tearing all the tickets although some of them were not meant to be tore. and it's irritating coz we have one free man doing wild life discovery tour which was cancelled due to the family day. instead of helping us, he went disappeared most of the time. shan't name him coz i think it's useless. but anyway, we did deserve a free ice cream. thanks for linda, my manager, i think she is damn caring to all the people working under her. i got a feeling that she was a macdonalds manager. hahhaa. but anyway, the ice cream was nice!!
sara was working today, she was rostered to work till 12. i think she'll end her work soon probably, waiting for her reply. she look normal, hahaha i was happy to see her. hahaha. the last i saw her was at night safari, i think she was having her break and all she did was don't get near me coz she stinks. oops! hahaha. hmm i hope she's not tiring herself coz her tailbone is still injured. but i'm hoping for the better. the good thing is that she's not working tomorrow. so she gets to rest. i'm thinking that we should meet up someday, madagascar! been missing her much, been thinking about her.
moving on, i was actually planning to go to KL to watch some hockey matches. turned out that my passport was going to expire soon and i am working tomorrow. they're going to leave with my coach to KL. i felt quite sad though coz i really really really wanted to go. it's just that my passport has to be extended. oh well, i earn some, i lose some. but i really die die wanted to go. ahhh.. i'm just hoping i am looking forward this coming week coz i think i'll be damn free and i'm hoping maybe to go johore. anyone interested? let's shop down there till we drop. oh well, i'm off now. need to scavenge for food.
green green green:)
at 11:36 pm
Friday, June 03, 2005
since this is only the place i could rant all i want, i'm a jinx! i can't believe i'm staring outside my window and tears just fall down. it's always. i fucking spoil everything. useless piece of shit. there's no use going on..
green green green:)
at 2:26 am
Thursday, June 02, 2005
soundcheck: Everything In Its Time - Corrinne May
you know i came across her during the advertisement in between Chase on channel 5. she produces good music. she could be that next diana krall i think. anyway go to her website. www.corrinnemay.com
so i was watching chase Pt 1. and it turned out sad. oh well. i can't wait for the next episode. seriously, it's one of the happening local series, apart from, six weeks which was from channel I. and light years! hahaha.
i was called to work tomorrow coz there's no position covered for Children's World. so i'll be working but not till 6 coz i have training which is at 6! that means i think i'll leave around 5. hopefully i'll be able to make it for training. i wish i could go back with her but my training already scheduled. but don't worry, something good will turn out tomorrow. just pretend it's nothing. ;) hahaha. i am somewhat looking forward to tomorrow coz it's a friday! and i'm working(money earned!!). then i'll be seeing her for awhile! then i'll go for my training! then when i come home, i'll be too tired to be online! all in all, i hope everything goes well! though i would have to miss friday prayers. i missed last weeks also coz it was raining heavily thats why i didn't go. and tomorrow i'll be working. oh well.
ohh then i'll be working on saturday and sunday too! woo! i just feel lucky that i could cover my bills now. i feel quite safe. of coz i'll give the remaining to my mother at least. :) so 2 more weeks and school will soon start again. my results will determine if we all get to go attachment. the week before school starts, we could go check our results. i'm quite scared actually, i aim is still at least to hit 2.5. i'm hoping for it! i'm praying for it! think positive johan! you can do it.
she'll be starting her school soon too. and before school starts, she'll be going for a short holiday trip. i will probably miss her again. but i guess everyone should have fun before school starts. so i'm planning to do something before it starts back. ohh! under 18 is just around the corner. i can't wait for the dates for our matches. i'm just hoping it won't clash with my working dates. i'll will work my ass out during training and matches, it is my last year playing for u18. must give it all out! even if i am sitting on the bench, which i'm used to.
ok i'm off to stone to Corrinne May's music. her music is soo smoothing. and i wonder how's sara's doing at work now. hopes everything's fine for her. the last i messaged her she had her dinner already. hahaha. oh well. off to stone i shall. May The Force Be With You people. so long.....
green green green:)
at 9:16 pm
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
soundcheck: Helena.
i've been blogging like everyday and of course, i've been rotting at home. i've done nothing good. tomorrow at least i plan to go the market since i think my mother needs a rest. so tomorrow i'm off to be a makcik! i'll be cycling to the market coz i think i don't like walking there coz it's quite far and all. well it depends on my mood tomorrow la. hahaha. my body is still quite aching from monday's training but let's hope it'll recover by next training which is on friday. i'll be working the next day and on sunday. really looking forward coz i'll see my frens for the induction.
i'm hoping they'll somehow call me tomorrow for work COZ I'M REALLY ROTTING AT HOME. this is what i do. i wake up, i watch kid central, then go back to sleep and wake up 3 plus. bathed and all. go online till 5 plus. then eat, watch tv, then eat, then watch tv, then stare at my computer, then play with my nephew and niece, then i'll get bored of something then i'll really start rotting and stoning in my room. and also, i thought of her and how's she's doing at work and all. :)
speaking about her, i did met her today coz he work finished early. i did manage to force her to eat with me coz actually she already ate. she's being a paranoid that she'll grow fat. hahhaa. anyway, i won't force her to eat anymore unless she's not eaten yet. and in order not to force her, i agreed with her that i should go jogging with her. which i've not been doing for the past 2 months. hahaha. so we shall go any of the nearest stadium(not clementi) hahhaaha, to jog there.
ok to conclude my entry, ok there's nothing to conclude. go download Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. very catchy song. alot of bass.
green green green:)
at 10:31 pm
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies.
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives,
On Holiday.
Holiday - Green Day.
green green green:)
at 12:10 pm
