most of my entries are always either too negative about me, or it's just that i'm really a loser.
well i think it is over now.
nothing new i guess since it's been like this for a long time since i screwed my life.
green green green:)
at 11:29 pm
Sunday, April 24, 2005
i just realised i have a test tomorrow. damn it.
all the best to deepan, hanis and johan for the a div tomorrow!
ohh and those of you who don't have mtv like me, sadly. check out www.mychemicalromance.com check out their new video Helena. i like the lead singer. i also like their outfit. like green day.
Enjoy!
green green green:)
at 7:20 pm
Saturday, April 23, 2005
worked today. everything was quite fine. just that the humid was killing me. tomorrow early morning for hockey match. then maybe in the afternoon i might go swimming with my niece, nephew and sister. hahaha. i know i can't swim but i think it's a nice sunday to be at the pool. hopefully everything goes smoothly tomorrow. i have 2 test in 2 days next week. monday and tuesday. then i somehow need to buck up on my modules. that i have to keep telling myself. i'm too tired to blog. maybe some other day i'll continue.
You do something to me that I can't explain,
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you?
green green green:)
at 9:26 pm
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
ok. here's a quick update.
food!
i've been eating lots of junk at home, nutella is one of them. i'm eating it without bread, i just ate quarter of it just now. hmm then i had cheese prata near my house after school. yum yum!
money!
money is one thing i should be scared of. coz it just come and go. i hate it. especially when you've bought something nice, you realised you got nothing left for others. it just sucks. i forgot to leave some for my mother, nephew and niece. i owe my mother 60plus for my scv internet bills. i hope this coming pay would be quite good. coz i think i work quite often. hahaha i think only. ohh and this morning just happened to be my lucky day. this guy when to approach me and told me i dropped my $10. now i actually brought $10 incase. but when i opened up my wallet, my $10 was still there. so extra $10 for saving. not for use. i realised i use money like water. that's why i rather keep my posbcard at home. hahhaa.
school!
school has been ok so far. i think i must really do some last minute work adn catch while i can. exams are coming soon i guess. soon also, i'll be attached to some company if i do well. but the main thing i want is a 2.5 and above for my gpa. pray hard i'll work hard. hahaha. just need to do last minute work. tomorrow school would be boring. i somehow find his lesson damn boring. i hope i can do my machining tomorrow so i'm left with phase test only. let's hope my day won't be spoilt tomorrow. i hope it rains. so i'll feel much better.
you
this may sound abit childish, strange, or weird. anything that goes with it la. i had a dream about you like 2 days ago. ok maybe i've already forgotten what was it about but ya.. i think it's cool la. hahhaa. ok. i hope things are going well for me and her.
ok. that was some short entry la.
green green green:)
at 10:53 pm
Sunday, April 17, 2005
ok something interesting happened in the zoo today. a jaguar escaped! ok, i was working at children's world today and it was damn boring. then they have alot of people airing through the walkie where are the location of all the zookeepers. and i realised something was damn wrong la. so i called up main entrance to check up and they told me a jaguar escape. so i was damn scared la. quickly played that emergency drill track over the PA system and brought the visitors into children's world coz cat country was damn near children's world. ok, basically, everything was quite chaotic coz most of them just wanted to know what happened. so we had to bluff them but it didn't work, i didn't bother lying and actually just told them the truth. hahahaha. of course there were few jerks who just didn't want to co-operate of us. there was this indian couple who refuses to listen to us. and at that moment, i was hoping that jaguar would ripped him and his girlfriend apart and just vomit back because they're indians. i'm not being racist, it was just a joke. but anyway, he was like telling me i can't, i want to go the other side, i want to take pictures. yea. i'll take you dead body pictures and send them on email how stupid a man could get while a jaguar was running wild in the zoo. fuck!
ok actually i didn't have to mood to blog today, but voila! a short entry has been typed out. enjoy!
green green green:)
at 10:41 pm
this was me in my sajs uniform.
look how innocent i was.
damn.
green green green:)
at 12:08 am
Saturday, April 16, 2005
so here i am sitting my ass, had two cup of hot tea. damn that was good! i just got back from my hockey matchES. hahaha. it was damn fun la. it's been a long time since i had a hockey marathon. we played against sajc in the morning and then i had a div 1 game in the afternoon. it all went well although we lost the div 1 match against hollandse club. it's such a disgrace to lose to them but oh well. i had fun. tomorrow work starts at 1030am. the good part is that i don't have to work all the way till 11pm coz one of my colleague is taking over me since they've changed that there'll be only one person stationed now. so that's the good part. the bad part. i still have to work at night on the 30th. that's sad. i wonder how i'm going to spend my 6 hours alone!!!!!! fuck. ohh shit. i'm really gonna die of boredom. that's damn sad la.
ok i'm not looking forward to it. i think i'm working from 8am then at night. woah. all the way till 11pm. wish me luck la. few more months, then i'll be send for attachment, either that or i'll be attached with the school, AI. i hope my results are good. i seriously want to continue to higher nitec and do my ns. then do do my diploma for NIE. and finally my last final wish, is to become a PE teacher. so let's take a step at a time. let's work on my nitec cert and getting at least 2.5 for my gpa to get out of my school.
i think i'm stuck with questions. but i just can't do that.
i don't want to end it silence. infact it doesn't have to end either.
green green green:)
at 11:30 pm
it's all over now i think
i'm just another normal person now
green green green:)
at 2:04 am
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
I hope i'm somewhere there.
somehow i think i can't go to sleep. been thinking about stuffs. stuffs i wish one day i could just let it unfurl. WAH! unfurl seh. i don't know sometimes i felt it's just not the time yet but then again i don't know if it's going all right. i don't know if this is all true. i've never felt like this before. i've never been in this kind of situation. i feel like saying it all out but i'm stuck with doubts. but then again, i feel like what i've done is incomplete if i didn't say it. i don't know but i have alot of doubts. i don't know if it'll work. i just need that courage. after of all that has happened i know i've done my best, far enough not to give up my hope. i must somehow have the courage to do it. i don't know if it'll work but if it didn't, i should be happy that i've gone that far. somehow i should feel proud abit of myself. but i don't know. maybe it's too early now, maybe it's abit too late? i'm just left with doubts. but i don't want it just to end like that. i want it to be like all fairy tales, a happy ending. hopefully a long happy ending. hmm.. i'm hoping for that one fine day everything i could just say it out..
i think i should go off and pray that whatever that has happened, it's for reason. maybe it'll come true, maybe it won't. who knows? but let's hope for the better. sooner or later i will have to just have to let her know about my feelings for her.
wish me luck.
green green green:)
at 11:29 pm
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
i just realised that this whole month is freaking packed. i have hockey matches almost every weekends. i'm working also almost every weekends. also working at night sometimes. my hockey schedules and working dates are clashing. i have to find replacement for work fast. i don't know if i could find any replacement as soon as possible also.. my head is spinning la. school is another thing. my working rates in school are damn low. i think i seriously have to buck up if i want to carry on higher nitec. my practical assignments are over. i think i'm going to do damn bad for it, i might just even flunk. i'm so scared that i might even repeat for another 6 months. i'm always busy, my friends are alsowly drifting away. i don't when we last met. except my schoolmates, i still do at least see them sometimes. the rest of the time is just we 3, coz we're not really close with the new class. last year class was still the best.
i've also been missing hockey trainings, my first div 1 match last saturday was damn bad. i played like shit but we drew with ORA though 1-1. i want everything to go smoothly. i think my future is there but i can't just reach for it. my future won't be a bright one la, i don't think i can get a diploma and get to do my NIE course for being a PE teacher. :( my hockey is also going nowhere, i don't think i can improve on it any further. i'll be that shitty player for the next ten years. then after that ten years, i'll get even much worse than before. that new hockey stick i bought was just for nothing. i am really a failure in life. i just can't get what i want. this is me, i'm hopeless.
green green green:)
at 4:58 pm
Friday, April 08, 2005
ok i know i'm not the only one struggling with stuffs right now. i know everyone's is having almost the same situation. time passes so fast and so little time to make use of it or make changes and it really sucks. it really does. seriously.. but the only thing we could do is just think positive and hang in there. it's going to be a bumpy one for some of us like me, but lesson will be learned along the way. OHHH THAT I COPIED FROM A BOOK. HAHAHA! i took that from the andrew matthews book. see.. although i don't like reading alot, i find books that motivate me are interesting. especially when going through times like these. haha i bought the book for $5 and i think it's worth it. hahaha anyway i know it'll take me months to finish that book although there aren't much pages on it. i'll still take damn long to finish reading it.
The Sound of Settling by Death Cab For Cutie.
green green green:)
at 11:23 pm
holiday by green day
BUSY.
ok now i can say that i'm struggling juggling with work, hockey and school. i also wanted to work at night because there'll be chingay floats there. the schedule is clashing with most of my hockey matches. now i have to make last few amendments. i just hope everything goes fine as long as i get enough rest and be fresh whenever i'm in school. it's ok. i need to look on the bright side. money is earned! yes. i'm not money minded though it's just that i'm just trying this out and see if i could take it. it'll just be till the end of May and i'm back to normal day work at zoo. which is from either 8.15am to 6pm or 10.30am to 6pm. for now there'll be someday that i have to work from 8.15am to 11pm. i am going to die. wish me luck!my first day working like that will be this sunday. and the day before, which is tomorrow, i have hockey match. as long as i end early. everything should go fine. please give me strength for the next 2 months, i just need that and motivation. don't make me have lots of activities for the time being like gym training and running. as long as i feel fresh when i'm in school. i'm already fine about it.
today school ended close to 4plus close to 5 but not really. hahaha. anyway, it was tiring. went to the mosque near my school there. quiet place, not really alot of people go there. then after school, we planned to go al-ameen again for dinner. being me as usual, i had cheese prata and kosong. damn feeling. i feel abit giddy now though but not because of the food. but because we played soccer just now and the ball hit my head damn hard one. the impact was power la. feel my eyes were going to pop out. hahaha. but that didn't stop me from having the wonderful cheese prata. $2 just for 1 cheese prata la! but when you're craving for it, anything goes. i don't know why i've been eating lots and lots of cheese prata these few weeks. but i'll get bored of eating them. oohhh and egg tarts are still my favourite!
i'm damn scared. i don't know if i could manage my time properly with work, school and hockey. i feel like im not getting enough rest. i'm just scared i cannot concentrate enough in school. i'm damn scared now. argh. i wish i'm a good planner. but i have to be suck in this kind of stuff. sad.
green green green:)
at 10:23 pm
Thursday, April 07, 2005
i was stuck late at night yesterday writing this.
Wishing, Hoping, Someday
It's late at night
I'm thinking of you by my side
I can't go to sleep too
I'm just thinking about you
I've never felt like this before
There's so many things about you, I adore
It's just something nice
That I can't help looking in your eyes
It'll be so nice at night
Gazing into the star light, star bright
We'll have such a good time
I'm just hoping someday you'd be mine
green green green:)
at 8:16 pm
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
if you should fall, you know i'll be there
to catch the call, you know i'll be there
i'll go anywhere,
so i'll see you there.
poprocks and coke -
green day
green green green:)
at 11:38 pm
the week is so far so good. played badminton the whole of night from 7 all the way till 10. there were some misunderstanding at the sports complex about booking the court earlier and all. fuck it. i hate the management at woodlands sports complex. we're not going there to play badminton again. that will be our last playing there. school was alright. i'm still abit lost about how to operate the machine and all. still thinking about if i could just pass this module and head on. i don't want to stay in ITE for another 6 months. it seriously sucks. secondary school life was much better. i don't know if i'm going to do well in my modules and pass, get good gpa points and insyallah continue to higher nitec or poly.
mr kevin called me yesterday to inform that i'll be playing for div 1. my first match after u21 again. i have no match fitness, no training straight for the whole of 3.. maybe 4 now. it's on saturday 3pm, wanna watch? i'll only few of the juniors playing. since the rest are way ahead in premier. some left in division 3 and some playing for combined schools. i haven't tried my new hockey stick yet. it's still quite brand new. i have abit doubts about using that stick.
there'll be no school for me tomorrow. wheeeeeeee.... i'm going sleep late and wake up late. all you people going to school, salute you all, happy schooling! i'll be at home waking up at 11 plus. wahahahaha! don't worry, i'm not so bad la. hahaha
green green green:)
at 9:47 pm
the week is so far so good. played badminton the whole of night from 7 all the way till 10. there were some misunderstanding at the sports complex about booking the court earlier and all. fuck it. i hate the management at woodlands sports complex. we're not going there to play badminton again. that will be our last playing there. school was alright. i'm still abit lost about how to operate the machine and all. still thinking about if i could just pass this module and head on. i don't want to stay in ITE for another 6 months. it seriously sucks. secondary school life was much better. i don't know if i'm going to do well in my modules and pass, get good gpa points and insyallah continue to higher nitec or poly.
mr kevin called me yesterday to inform that i'll be playing for div 1. my first match after u21 again. i have no match fitness, no training straight for the whole of 3.. maybe 4 weeks now. it's on saturday 3pm, wanna watch? i'll only few of the juniors playing. since the rest are way ahead in premier. some left in division 3 and some playing for combined schools. i haven't tried my new hockey yet. it's still quite brand new. i have abit doubts about using that stick.
there'll be no school for me tomorrow. wheeeeeeee.... i'm going sleep late and wake up late. all you people going to school, salute you all, happy schooling! i'll be at home waking up at 11 plus. wahahahaha! don't worry, i'm not so bad la. hahaha
green green green:)
at 9:47 pm
Monday, April 04, 2005
Everything went perfectly well today. that's all. ehh i meant yesterday.
green green green:)
at 12:08 am
Friday, April 01, 2005
Southern Girl by Incubus
yesterday i wrote one long entry and it was all gone. stupid blogger! damn it. anyway, i'll try to remember what i wrote yesterday. well it started out yesterday morning at 8.00am. woke up to get ready for school and left close around 8.30am. so it took around close to an hour to reach novena and i have to wait for the that slow service bus 21. irritating la! the waiting time it's always close to 15mins around there. i reached school around 9.30 exactly but have to walk all the way to otherside of the school and go up second floor to my locker to change to my dustcoat and safety shoes. anyway this idiotic teacher marked me and my friend late because we came in 5mins later. fuck right? and not only that la, he marked me late last 2 weeks before the holiday but i came early la! idiot. i had that eagles award to collect what? dick la he.. i shall not talk about him coz he's a dick at most times. the module is much more important so, i'm going to work hard on it. i've already done so badly in my other module. i need to aim for higher nitec. i hope this would pull me up. i know it's a long way and damn hard to get in higher nitec. so i need to work on it. i seriously want to become a PE teacher. i roughly planned how old i would be when i comeplete my studies. i don't want to stay back for another 6 months. i want to be sent for attachment at any companies and work for them. i don't want to stay in school and repeat. no one does la. i'm just soo lucky that i have "wonderful teachers around me". i'm soo pleased. i'm soo happy. how niceeeeeee.. FUCK.
STRIVE STRIVE STRIVE! I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF FURTHER! i don't want to have a bad future. i know i'm going nowhere with just a nitec cert. i feel so useless...
yesterday after school mahendran and i went for half an hour jogging around the track. it was quite fun la coz we get to see the woodlands wellington u18 play. i think they're good la. hahaha. we should have more jogging session like this. i need to work out, and of course, gym training. ooh! today i had a called from nathan, that div 1 fellar. he called me to ask if i could play the first game on 9th april which is on saturday and i'm not working. so that's the good part. but the bad part is that i've not went for training like 2 weeks can make it 3 already la since next week's training is damn late. unless i die die want to try out my new stick. hahaha. so div 1 it is. i hope i'm ready for the season to score goals. cheyy... ahahaha. i know almost everyone is having fun in div 3 because they're having scoring spree la..
i finally got my nice afternoon nap today since school ended at 12. went to harbourfront to pray with ahmad and hanis. then we went our seperate ways, hanis had training at delta, ahmad went to queensway with nantha to fix his digicam. i had a nice short nap inside the train back to marsiling. actually i'm supposed to watch spongebob squarepants with my classmate but they cancel it. i was having my nice peaceful sleep till they call to cancel it. hahaha. tomorrow work starts at 10.30am. another tiring day but i think everything should go fine. "ALMOST EVERYTHING" hahaha. let's hope for it la.
ohh PS: Happy Birthday derrick! tomorrow can go buy m18 ticket and watch some stupid show la ahh. ohh can also smoke already, tomorrow buy malboro reds. or however they spell it. i'm just bored and trying my best to joke. anyway happy birthday. SEE I DIDN'T FORGET. now go get me a present. i want PS 2.
green green green:)
at 9:31 pm
