is this it?
is this it? 2005 is ending just like that. my life now revolves around school attachment, and work? i have no time for my friends, no time for my family members? i had a friendly match against the division 1 and most of them are pretty experienced. i played very bad. scc is sending out 4 teams, scc lions, scc cubs, scc sji, scc sajc. i'm definately finding myself playing for cubs. i'm demoted back to the cubs. i realised that i have no more speed, no more skills to prove that i'm still fit and ready for u21. as usual the cubs teams usually is called the guinea pigs team but somehow we'll do quite well. the scc lions team is made out of of the wonderful skilled players. is very much challenging being in that team. we have other players from different clubs playing for scc now. i'm also finding myself playing for div 1. i'm once again a let down to myself because i can't prove it that i'm can play for premier again.
well i'm unfit now so there is no use saying it all out. i played really bad yesterday. it was the worse game i think i ever had. i need to work on my skills back but i don't seem to be willing to come for training because i'm so tired after school, and ontop of that i have work. i know it's not an excuse but i don't know. maybe my days of playing good hockey is over. i've always wanted to play so damn well to please the coach. ever since i went ite and started working, i gave up all of these and i don't know why. tomorrow i'm going for joggin with my friend. hopefully toget my fitness back from scratch. tuesday i'm heading for hockey training. also to work hard and get ready for u21. now i just want to play good hockey. it doesn't matter where i'm playing for.
it's abit sad for sara and well for me, because i really want my fitness back, and i've always like being active in sports and this is the time to work on it again. i hope she understands. i am going to work myself back to scratch. the purpose of 2006 is now is motivation to everything since i'm such a pessimist. it's training and getting the fitness back for now. and yes, working also is part of my life now. i need to juggle all of them. i can do it. i know i can. -beams.
on a lighter note, 5 MORE DAYS TO HOLIDAY LAHHHHHH! SHIT DECEMBER IS COMING LAHHHHH BIRTHDAY! FINALLY. I'M TURNING 18 ALREADY. I CAN HAPPILY WATCH M18 MOVIES. :)
soundtrack: trees - marty casey
green green green:)
at 9:50 pm
Thursday, November 24, 2005
soundcheck: the academy is... - check marks
it got me thinking away when we back in primary 1. that's a picture of class photo back in 1995 when i was primary 2 where all of us are just small, fat, bogay(no front teeth) hahaha i don't know how it's spelt. ok so that's the picture of me when i was 8 years old. see how small i was. i am the one sitting on the centre of the first row.
now all of us have grown into be matured man, handsome and good looking ones. we're all have gone a long way. for those friends whom i knew since primary 1, it's a pleasure to be with you all through out my entire 17 years of life. i hope it will carry on in years to come. but sometimes, we're too busy for us and maybe that's why it's hard to have friends who keeps in touch for a long time. it's sad but things have to be that way.
i hope school ends soon, i have 6 more days excluding weekends till my long holiday. i can't wait to get my results, i can't wait for graduation day which will be on the 19th jan 2006. i'm planning to do higher nitec in mechanical engineering. and i have a 2nd choice taking up sports management in higher nitec if my first choice fails. either way i'm working for it. i've already thought what i would do after ns and poly maybe. i actually plan to work for SIA engineering. but it's a long way to succeed of that. of course also, i have a back up plan if my engineer line fails.
i'll be meeting sara tomorrow after school, after friday prayers. hmm will be calling her later maybe. alright, i'm off to see lifeline, i hope it's a nice local series. i'm off.
green green green:)
at 8:06 pm
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
soundcheck: polaris - jimmy eat world
life sucks but even though it's like that, i realised i learnt something new almost everyday. few days back, something bad did happened. she and i got into sort of got into huge war and it nearly ended but it wasn't bad after things were sorted out. it's weird though and all and being me, never been in this such situation i was kind of lost and all. i guess relationship is one responsibility which is quite hard to maintain. it's really like a roller coaster ride where you have that ups and downs. oh well, i just don't want things to turn out bad and sad.
i was bored today actually, got home with only 30cents back in my purse. the reason i bring purse now is because my wallet cannot put coins in it so i got a purse, a small one just nice for syilings. so i think i'm going to be broke lah for the rest of the month till my next pay, unless my parents give pocket money. i got home just on time for justice league. i'm beginning to like that cartoon because you get to see lots of heroes.
couldn't get myself to sleep coz i was so glued to the computer screen surfing for more justice league. only around 7 plus i got myself to bathe.
hmm it's cold, i need to have chocolate before i sleep. i need to call sara also. i'm off now.
oohh i forgot to say this, I JUST LOOOOVE RAINY, CLOUDY MORNINGS! IT'S SO COLD, THE TRAIN RIDE IS PACKED WITH PEOPLE, COUGHING, SNEEZING, MUCUS FLYING EVERYWHERE. OK THAT PART WAS A TOTAL TURN OFF,
BUT RAINY, CLOUDY, THUNDER AND LIGHTNING MORNINGS BRIGHTS MY MORNING! I'M SERIOUS LAH, I'M REALLY LIKE A FROG, I'M HOPING IT'LL RAIN TOMORROW MORNING AGAIN. :)
green green green:)
at 10:15 pm
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
10 things i like about Johan;
-his smile..mainly about his one-sided dimple.
-his eyes wen hes staring deep into me
-his kisses.. warm and euphoric
-his touch.. his skin against mine
-his understanding..im always his priority
-his unromantic sweet nothings in my ear
-his way of saying or evn mouthing "i LOVE you''
-his smell..
-his ears.. its small and chewable
-the way he look wen his deep-thinking.
-the way he say "whaaat"
oops! ite more than 10 i guess... well its really more than this actually..
green green green:)
at 11:23 pm
im writin in on behalf of Johan. we're good now! of coz we're good coz he haf me.i noe he dont meant wat he said(fr e bad stuffs).. love him!
green green green:)
at 11:03 pm
Monday, November 21, 2005
soundcheck: feel good inc.
i'm feeling lifeless once more. once again work life is killing me. i'm always busy with work and i can't even make my time for my friends or sara. it's just sad to see most of my friends visiting and all going town and me, i have school on weekdays and weekends i work. i don't even have time to go walk around or any place coz by that time either after school or work, i'll be tired.
green green green:)
at 6:48 pm
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
soundtrack: something worth knowing - sherwoodI love this background. it was taken at Hong Kong, it was my idea of taking the picture like this. i'm so artistic..... NOT! hhaahaha!
i'm listening to sherwood right now, it's quite a nice song, infact i think the whole album, Sing But Keep Going.. is nice. thumbs up. those of you who are broke and budget about money, you should go download!
i just took my medicine, soon i can feel sleepy and off i am to my bed, i'm going to open my window big big, am not going to think of any nonsense stuff out f my window. just the cool breeze and me into my deep deep sleep. before i sleep though, i need to go for my 2nd round of my mother's chicken sambal! damn nice lah, lazat enak lah! hahaha. and then after that, i'll give sara a call and of to sleep.
2 more weeks people and it will be holiday BEBEH!!!!YEAH!
green green green:)
at 9:34 pm
Sunday, November 13, 2005
pictures taken on november 3rd. :) 
green green green:)
at 10:16 pm
ok, it's a beautiful sunday. hopefully, nothing spoils it. i'm getting ready to go to delta for that small tournament.
ohh and yes, ashlee simpson really makes me wanna go LA LA.
but sara's better. :)
green green green:)
at 11:45 am
lifeless teenage life........
soundcheck: shiver - maroon 5
i just got back from my sister's place. she had an open house today. of course before that i had work.
i think the issue here is really about my work. i just realised that i have no time for my friends, no time to go out with them for jalan raya, to hang out with them. it's like my whole teenage life has been taken away. i'm just left with debts, debts and more debts. i always how much i'm going to earn for every month. i don't give a fuck about my hockey anymore, i could simply just say i'm drifting apart from almost everyone. no wonder most of my colleagues in zoo have already gone. ahmad might be gone, mahendran is still on pending due to his suspension, benji quit only after few months. siti is thinking of quitting for night safari. benji once even said i'd have to quit this job because it's taking away all the events i would like to be in. like hockey tournament is coming, i don't know if i could go along with the roster. but then again if i quit this job, i can't help out my parents, yes true i can enjoy with my friends, but then again i guess in this situation family would be quite important to me. and also i can't just quit the job like that because my brother in law brought me in. i can't turn my back on him.
i don't know about my life anymore. i'm left astrayed, just so lost. i have an interview for the night safari job on tuesday but i don't know if i should miss out my hockey training. i can't slack on hockey now, this coming season is really challenging. i have to compete with alot of other players with different standards. i want to try and prove that i still could make for the better team. i don't mind not playing but the atmosphere and the spirit playing for the better team is higher so if i got to play, my morale will sort of boost up. either way, i'm still lost for now. that night safari job seem interesting because if i added both my zoo and night safari pay, it'll be the double the pay or somewhere around there of how much i usually earn.
i need to sleep already, i'm not working tomorrow, i chose not to work tomorrow just so i thought i could have the whole of sunday but few days back i got to know that my club is organising some small hockey tournament among the club itself for the whole day. so being me abit paranoid about my fitness, i'm heading down to get back what i lost coming and during fasting month. alright, i'm off.
ps. hmm sara, if you're reading this, i tried calling both your numbers but you didn't pick up. i'm quite afraid to call the house because your parents will think which fool would call at this wee hours. anyway, i hope you're having a nice nice sleep, sweet dreams. oooh and yes i love you.
ok, to all my hardcore readers, i salute you lah if you've read my blog since 2003! salutation betul betul! night...
green green green:)
at 1:13 am
Thursday, November 03, 2005
to all my muslim friends and relatives, Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
kalau ada tersilap kata, harap semua akan dimaafkan. amin.
green green green:)
at 10:14 am
