be strong johan, be strong.
maybe like what you've said. things will fall in place and i'll soon understand why this happened. i've been emotional if you might have noticed. but that's the only way out i can get rid of my thoughts.. i don't know. i'll promise myself this will all be soon over. i'll find my better days. by then, you won't have to be worried. if you ever were.
don't ever drift apart, that's all i ask.
good night singapura. good night loyal readers.
green green green:)
at 11:54 pm
this song is effing long ago.
it actually brings back all the way to 2005.
came across from a blog. don't know if you still remember this.
green green green:)
at 10:47 pm
Monday, March 29, 2010
he's a replacement.
green green green:)
at 10:31 pm
sakit hati aku.
so much for an uncertain life.
green green green:)
at 9:17 am
Sunday, March 28, 2010
programs gotta keep going, gotta keep running.
tomorrow morning, wash bike.
afternoon, sleep
late afternoon, jogging cum interval self training
evening, kite flying
night, nephew birthday cake
late night, head to base for following day's work
gotta keep planning, gotta have something on.
happy birthday qayyum. :) i hope the family gift was good for you.
i'll promise to get you something when my pay is in. tomorrow i'll get you a bday cake.
green green green:)
at 11:19 pm
i wish i could read you like how i read a book. i wish you're like a dictionary which has a meaning so i can understand who you are. i wish you could be that someone to answer my questions whenever i'm asking why or in doubts with things i shouldn't be. i just wish you could guide me wherever this is going like how i would like to guide you too. lastly, it doesn't matter if you're a time ticking bomb. i would want to be that someone who could defuse and disarm the bomb.
i was going through my blog archives and i came across this entry in june 2008. i like how i actually wrote it. i'm not trying to praise myself or anything, but i, myself was touched after i read this again. i'm gonna keep it with me.
green green green:)
at 12:51 pm
Friday, March 26, 2010
soundcheck: the little things - colbie caillat
green green green:)
at 10:55 pm
it's 3plus in the morning. only stupid people would be up at this wee hours to rant on their blog.
i took up the courage just now to call her and hearing her voice somehow made me felt lighter. hmm it sounds like it rhymes. i felt happy talking to her at least awhile, even for that short while. hmm anyway, i don't know if she has moved on. i'm sorry for the wrong assumptions posted on my previous entry about her. well one thing is for sure, i know she doesn't want to be heard from me, or something like that.. i don't know. again, i'm assuming this but i hope she's doing well.. hmm she should.. i not hoping for the better for us because i know she doesn't want any. i need to talk to her soon and i hope it'll be quick one for me coz i'll tend to proloong the whole situation there. sigh.
it's day 6 now, i've still not break from my nutshell yet. still going to sleep is just another obstacle i have to go through almost most nights. especially at home. even at work at times. i don't know what life i have led myself into.
zee avi, please keep playing on my ipod till i get tired of your music. you're keep me occupied. :) well, temporarily.
green green green:)
at 3:04 am
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
MDENAUN. GO SCRABBLE IT UP!
fucked.
green green green:)
at 9:08 pm
clearing up what's under my bike seat and the box was a good start for how my life has been now. after that i sorted out all the important documents about the bike, insurance cert, installment receipts and etc. and then it was cleaning up my cupboard. yes my t shirt, pants, socks and undies were all over the cupboard and it took me quite some time to get things organised again. i feel happy that i've made my job done, well at least for a short while. probably i'll be back to sad mode soon. before i go to bed.
i need to clear up my desk and wash my bike later if i'm not heading out today. i need to get things done since my life is already messed up, why not try something different? i don't know..
i've been thinking about her these few days. i don't know why is it so simple for her to move on. i don't know why? but thanks for everything. thanks for making me feel this way. only this time round, i guess i didn't let myself down....
green green green:)
at 2:53 pm
Sunday, March 21, 2010
the woman i love in every relationship fails.
green green green:)
at 10:11 am
Saturday, March 20, 2010
soundcheck: never say never - the fray
woke up to a very gloomy rainy saturday today and i feels so nice tucked under the blanket. :) on a heavier note, i have yet to received any calls nor texts from her. i don't know how is she doing right now.. i'm scared as shit and as well, i know something bad is already coming. it's just a matter of time.
so yesterday i decided to went on impulse splurge on zee avi's performance at pan pacific, stereolounge. i tell you, it was hectic. i could barely see her performance. everyone was with drinks, alcohol mainly and a woman that puked into another girl's bag. that was pretty nasty already.. so somehow half of the lounge was covered with the puke stench. disgusting! BUT, IT WAS ALL AWESOME. I GOT HER AUTOGRAPH on one of my badges on my crumpler bag and i got to snap a shot with her!!!! i was a happy boy last night, for at least that moment.
till i came back home, with alot of thoughts on my head again. well anyways, here's a the picture i took with her...
she likes my watch!!!
green green green:)
at 10:40 am
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
soundcheck: how wonderful life would be - mocca
i had always wish life was like bunch of crayons that could colour my life. then only life would be so colourful and always seem it had brighten up the gloomy dull days into good happy ones.
right now, nothing could actually make me feel better, i have yet again lost someone i love for the 2nd time. it has seemed like i'm already good at losing someone that has had kept me occupied and happy and anything that was so right. and now, i have to go through a phase which no human being would like to. a heartbroken phase is almost compared to losing yourself in life and not able to move up again. well at least this is how i am feeling right now, or a year ago. my ns life compared, to which most guys out there may sound and look so interesting about field camps, real life incident cases to attend, putting out fire in hdb flats, carrying rifles and make your own tent to sleep in. would be the best time of their life i would assume. but for me, i was heartbroken last year and i thought 2010 was going to be great. getting the posting i wanted did not made a difference for at least a year. and now i'm back to square one.
i know i am not good at writing these into wonderful sentences and make it seem like it was all a nice tragic story. i am just here to let out my feelings of me feeling so wrecked. i'm burnt. i'm nothing of in use.
this is not fair. this is just not fair...
green green green:)
at 7:22 pm
Sunday, March 14, 2010
to me, it feels like a saturday! hmm i can't seem to wonder why? it's a nice sunday to start out with, though i still feel the miss to be missed by someone. i really do miss her. i hope she's well off. i do want to work this time and i don't want to be a failure no more. i'm heading out later to go "shopping" for what it might seem.. but i think i can't already since i'm low in cash. a sad sad case now. lucky me, i've settled what that has needed to be.. just one more for my bike and that is it! and then i'm in drought till the 12th of april next month. wish me luck, people!
green green green:)
at 12:18 pm
Saturday, March 13, 2010
this is a quick entry yet again.
i have added a new item into my wishlist for this year;
PSP GO!
now if i had a dslr and a psp go, plus the ipod i'm currently having now, only these gadget would keep me occupied no matter what. i can promised on that!
for now, good night at singapura.
for you, take care wherever you are. hope you've finished work already. :)
green green green:)
at 10:30 pm
Friday, March 12, 2010
get me through this, i want everything to back normal again.
i want how my life is before and not repeating the tragic that has happened before
i promise a change this time round, please. please please!
green green green:)
at 8:06 pm
Thursday, March 11, 2010
oh dear how wonderful life would be
with you still in my heart
oh dear how wonderful life would be
with you still in my dreams
only stars in the sky
who will understand my tears
let the time pass me by
i am lonely as can be
lonely raven in the sky
who will understand my fears
it is just you and i
my aching despair
green green green:)
at 3:21 pm
this is for real now, i am your laughing stock. this is all coming back like it all happened last year. i'll be inside my sad cocoon.
don't disturb me till i've decided to have the will to walk again... for now, i pray for the better.
green green green:)
at 2:57 pm
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
souncheck: innocence - avril lavigne
i wrote this before i fell to sleep ytd night.
life is too short for anything
for anything that worth, worth pursuing
find the key to success and happiness would be the ultimate
but losing something good, something special just cause you hurt
chances are given to prove one's wrong
but never be ignorant, never procastinate for long
for now this is me, this is my story
this story of me, this story of my misery
idk why am i even feeling this way.
green green green:)
at 11:30 am
Monday, March 08, 2010
this was taken quite awhile months back last year. ahh hem! mind you i am an sc/cpl now please. with the rank, thank you! HAH!
one of the pictures i like. i love dslr camera! you can simply do wonders with it
with that, good night.
green green green:)
at 11:40 pm
things happening around seems so devastating.. the world is so tired of us. climate changing, earth quakes, tsunamis and all the calamity going on. what's happening to me seemed no different as well. things for me had been quite shaky these few days. i never once pictured i would be so sad that i could shed tears for 3 nights in a row. nothing seem to be going well i don't like it a single bit. i don't know what else there that could be done or said, nothing seem to work out. i don't know what has become of us, i don't like it. i really think i'm having this scenario played a year ago. this very moment of the same month last year.. it did lasted till almost about the end of the year. and i have this saem feeling that it will happen again.. what has become of us.. i want a way out. i want it compromised. i want to start it new. not bring the old ones. No. no. no....
green green green:)
at 11:01 pm
Saturday, March 06, 2010
woke up on a saturday morning with a angry text from someone. lucky i had to to make it seem all so clear. i know i can never experience what i had before.. hmm it all seem so complicated, twisted and nothing simple.. so anyway, i woke up feeling abit dizzy, puffy eyes, feeling fucked for a certain reason which is not good at all.. i couldn't sleep well in any case that is. hmm..
anyway, good night.. it's my turn to sleep. do not disturb.
green green green:)
at 7:14 am
