it's been a long time since i've actually wrote something for the past few months. i think i would be back writing my thoughts again. this would the first of all. i know my english sucks but this is the nicest i could put it into. i realised that i've been bottling up my feelings and i even don't talk it out to my closest friends or her.. not because i do neglect them but because i always think too much. well this is me and i got to learn how to live with it for the upcoming years.
i can't sleep so this was what i wrote. anyway. to all my chinese friends. i can't wish you all through my wonderfully my-phone-going-up-the-sky. so i'm wishing you all here. happy chinese new year. gong xi fa cai. sing yen quai le. (i hope i got that right?) hahaha anyway, selamat tahun baru cina! vanakam. pahpoh.
Locked in Thoughts.
everyday there's trouble
each day, it piles up on a double
there are so many things up here
i feel like throwing all of these into;
like a ball of fire
let it burn for all i care
this is really going nowhere
what is the use now anyway
because it stays in my head day by day
for now, find me a place
my time here is such a waste
ohh please just lock myself inside
there's nothing for me now to say it's right.
green green green:)
at 12:20 am
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
you'll be loved you'll be loved
like you never have known
and the memories of me will more like bad dreams
just a series of blurs: like i never occured
and someday you will be loved.
- someday you will be loved
death cab for cutie.
green green green:)
at 12:19 pm
Sunday, January 22, 2006
soundtrack: mexicano - (some local ska band i don't know the name)
ok i really don't know what's the band called but the music is nice. ok i have worked since friday, it's not the longest. i think the longest i have worked was from saturday till thursday. ok that was pretty, hmm no wait.. fucwaeckaeking tiring. the best part of all i got my pay slip after they paid us. i also just realised that they deducted 20 fuckking dollars because of my lateness. i'm in deep shit. i hope i'm not black listed man. i need the job, i'm lazy to find another one. i will have to only dream about having the ipod and not having it with me. i don't think i'll be able to get it. right now, we have the ez-link issue. i have 2 bills to settle. i do self grocery shopping sometimes now. of course i do give my parents some of it also. so by the time all of these add up, i can only have my wonderful sony mp3 discman. and forget about the ipod........ damn sad.
next the month when i start working, i am going to write down the dates and the time from what i clock in and clock out. this is bad. my maths suck and i need to count very very slowly.. what's the pay from 8.45am to 6.30 pm? ohhhhh. screeeeeeeww meeeeee plllllleaseee..
ok don't screw me because i don't want to be screwed in the ass... OR anywhere else but what i'm trying to say i'm a total disaster in maths. i think algebra makes people go mental. BUT i have friends who like maths alot. so i really rely on them, thanks, ahmad, hanis and so on to those who has helped me much during the secondary school days when i used to call people up for the maths sums question so some irritating algebra shit. see i am a r e a l l o s e r. :) ok.. so i need to start calculating the hours from what time i work.
ohh i bet most of you all knew that i screwed my final gpa point and i don't think i'll barely make it for higher nitec. if i do, that's a miracle. i really want it but it's up to how the registration goes for now. i doubt i'd make it. if i do, i promise not to go out and be a good ite student who works hard and strives for both sports and academic. cheyy.. i wish i was born like that. registration will open after the o level students get their results. till then i don't know my future.
hockey match last saturday was a disaster. the 1st 15mins was like shit. and then it rained with thunders and lightning. shit... so it was postponed, not sure till when but most probably on the 5th of feb? fucucuucucuucking long lahhhhh.. wa lao.. might as well forget the last match, we're already the bottom few. i must get ready for division one tournament. i canwork my ass out. i can i can i can i can i can i can i can i can i can i can i can.
i'll be meeting sara tomorrow. it's been a long time i saw her, she keeps on saying when we'll ever meet? like i've not seen her in ages like that.. but anyway, i love her still.. :) i know when she reads this she is going to smile so wide.. hmm.. but she got no dimple. so she'll just smile widely. hahhaa. only i'm the one with the dimple... hahahhaha. ok.. ehh stop smiling lah sara. go and study for your upcoming exam..
ok.. i have that i need to getaway feeling again. i need the sun, sand and the beach. stone really rocks when you look across the ocean and listen to the waves... no, singapore got no waves unless some big ships pass by.. or listening to jack johnson under the coconut treeeeeeee.. damnnnnnnn stoning..... ahhhhhhh....
green green green:)
at 10:19 pm
Thursday, January 19, 2006
soundtrack: over my head(better off dead) - sum 41
in about few hours time, i will be on my way to dover ITE to collect my graduation certificate. i am shaking right now because i really want good grades. i want to get in higher nitec(which i doubt i could get in). i'm not being pessimistic here but it's really the reality. i will be having bad grades but not yet to be accumulated. i don't want to think of anything right now. i'm so blank.
i screwed up yesterday's match. every time a coach or a fellow player will approach me and say that i need to compose myself. i don't know anything about hockey now. SHOOOOOT ME.
i can't be bothered to dress up so nicely later for the graduation. i can't help it. i hate that EMO shit. shit!
green green green:)
at 11:12 am
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
soundcheck: perfect situation - the weezer
ok, i'm slacking at home, my speakers are blasting out loud. my mother is going to make noise anytime.. i'm currently addicted to this weezer song. it's been a long time since i heard them. island in the sun was nice. i lost that album.. i wonder where it was lost lah. i have a match later against police at 8pm. not really pumped up YET but it's our last 2games since we lost both our matches. we had no hope but we played as a team, that was a good part. we've not bond much together yet also but i'm sure future tournaments we will.
alright, i've not had my breakfast, i've not bathed. my hair is like like some helmet shape. it may look abit like afro but cannot make it.
ok i'm going to slack and stone some more.
green green green:)
at 12:09 pm
Sunday, January 15, 2006
GUINEA PIGS?
are we really the guinea pigs? just because the have a better team doesn't really means we're just there to fill up places. yes it's quite true we're not as good compared to them but i don't know. i just think it's bad. but it has to go that way. oh well, match today against csc was really bad. i know we expected losing but i cannot accept it. i bet no one does. we lost 8-1. i scored the last goal which made no difference. i want to improve my hockey but it's too late and i didn't want to make an effort while i did past few years. i don't think i'll ever play good hockey. my standard will be only be in that team. it's too late to improve for good hockey. i don't think i can ever play fast and good hockey. i never made use of the training on pitch. i don't do self training under the block or in my house. i use to do that sometimes under my block and it got me movtivated and kept on going. which i did till sec4 and i lost everything. i think i played well during my sec4 year but i don't know.
oh well. i admit finally i'm a lousy player.
i'm still unfit. but this u21 i must keep on going. i must always try try try.
goodnight.
green green green:)
at 11:46 pm
Saturday, January 14, 2006
soundcheck: my humps - black eyed peas
okok, slap me but black eyed peas rocks lah. i've been listening to them when the hits 'where is the love' came out, so no doubt about that. this song really gets you to the grooooooooooove. later, i am going to find the lyrics and sing along.
ok enough of that. i just got back from work, tired tired tired but fun:) i had kfc for dinner along with bernard, mahendran, syed, thoufeek and you tian. it was really a feast. after that you tian and bernard left, mahendran, syed and i went to ben&jerry's to get milkshake! i was really craving for chocolate ice blended or shake or whatever. hahahah. damn feeeeeeeeeeeling.
TOMORROW! 1500HRS. SCC CUBS VS CSC. DELTA COMPLEX STADIUM. let the game begins. i'm pumped up. i'm still unfit but i'm ready.. you can do it johan!
ps: yes dear, i will date you out someday. soooooon. bare with me, schedule is tight lah. you want to loosen it up? okok lame. we'll see how ok. but i'm promise you next week. alright?
green green green:)
at 9:49 pm
Thursday, January 12, 2006
lately, i've been listening to alot of nonsensical music such as black eyed peas, my hump. also madonna, hung up. i went hmv quite recently and i saw the death cab for cutie album, plans. but i guess i would have to save that money first for ipod. ipod here is really in crisis. i need it so bad that i would do anything for it. i'll work non stop through out. ipod is still the in thing to me. 30gb ipod, stay put. i will buy you somedayyyyyyyyyyyy.
okok, let's get back to the real world. i'm actually pumped up for trainings since it's the season and i know i've not been playing well, so i got to improve improve improve. no time to lose. but i'm still unfit. so i don't know if i could go far.
THE EZ LINK FARE THINGS IS STILL AN ISSUE! i hate the price. hate it so much. ohh you know if you forget to tap out, that's it. goodbye 10 dollars. i don't know if i can do this for the next few month. i still need concession. can they at least have sympathy on us?
tomorrow i'm working. i have no money, i'm too scared to withdraw my money from my account. i need ipod. it's like my new best friend to be.
sunday match is against CSC. we'll get ready everything, whatever team. let's play our hearts out. we won't win but we can at least have a 0-0. alright, till then.
ohh i'm missing sara. i want to meet her someday. soon sooooooon.
green green green:)
at 9:35 pm
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
some random pics.
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and of course, not forgetting her. hahhaa.
green green green:)
at 10:54 pm
Sunday, January 08, 2006
COOOOOOOL-NESS.
soundcheck: tied up too tight - hard-fi
yes yes, and so the whole of singapore is raining. (i'm guessing actually) anyway, i loooooooooooove rainy days without the thunders and lightnings, this is so death cab for cutie, coldplay, nada surf and some other slow band playing real stone music. not the jimi hendrix type but slow as in slow. i want to go to sleep soon. but right now, i'm stuck with this hard-fi song in my head. this is fun. in the morning, i just love to hear the sound of the water that drops non-stops excluding the thunder roars. ahhhhh...
but surely somethings had to be spoilt. firstly, IT'S STILL THE F*$KING BUS AND MRT FARE? IS THERE ANY WAY CAN THEY CAN THINK OF HAVING THE CONCESSION FOR ADULTS? FOOLS. WE'RE JUST 18 YEAR OLD YOUNG ADULTS, YOU DON'T EXPECT US TO EARN BLOODY $3000 A MONTH????! SHIT.
ok secondly, i was ask to be sent home because it's raining in the zoo, there're no visitors, so they sent me home, things to add on, they paid my salary $100 plus less! i am going to update my bankbook and then call them up for the pay slip to go through with them THOROUGHLY! they better give my money because i wasn't working for shits! fuck, you spoilt my sunday bitch, stupid zoo management. cork up shit. i wonder why am i still there working my ass off when i'm treated like a sheep. better terms, dogs?
ok that's all. i'm really off to sleep.
i love you weather. cuddle me in bed.
ohh sorry. also, i love you sara.
green green green:)
at 4:32 pm
Saturday, January 07, 2006
it's the freaking issue of BUS & MRT FARE!
the government are smart, so smart that we "students waiting for results are counted as an adult. and one trip can cost you up till 2 dollars plus? if you forget to tap out the ez link card, say goodbye to your 10 dollars of top up. it's useless because if you're a frequent traveller, it can last up till 2 days and that's it.
that's my irritating issue.
updates for the game just now, we lost but i'm not quite sad, we've could've gotten a draw but things didn't work out. either way, i'm still unfit and i was proud of myself running around the pitch, of course i got sub out here and there but i manage to stay strong. and now, i'm enjoying a nice pizza my sister ordered just now, enak menyelerakan. in other words, it was superb lah the pizza. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO TRAIN TO BE FIT?
right now, i'm missing her much. i won't know when would be the next time i'll see her. but i hope to see her soon. i can't meet her often now due to matches, training and work. but i'll work it out. ok off to stone, maybe see what's in the kitchen to eat? and then call her, go to sleep.
work tomorrow. and my pay is fucked. they paid me less. i'm going to bring this up tomorrow. i can't get my 30gb ipod. ohhh please wait ipod, stay put in that casing for now. i will get you when i have enough money to buy you. $528 is worth saving up. i'll take my time(by the time, some new ipod would come out already)
selamat hari raya haji.
green green green:)
at 11:56 pm
unfit! no match fitness!
so tomorrow, 7.30pm, delta sports complex. let the game begins!
i'll be having my u-21 tournament again. it's really tense but sad to say, we're the guinea pigs in the whole team group. the rest in the group are all strong teams, well organised, fit! and our teams are made out of different backgrounds, VS, NGEE ANN POLY, OLD SAS BOYS, TEMASEK POLY, SINGAPORE POLY. i know we're already screwed. but our team bonding is almost there. i'm pumped up for tomorrow's match against ORA YOUTH. i doubt you would beat them but we're going to try our best. i have no match fitness, i am totally not fit. wish me luck tomorrow. i'll be dying on the field running. not going to think negative, not going to think negative, although i am very very unfit. good luck lah johan!
green green green:)
at 12:19 am
Sunday, January 01, 2006
soundtrack: i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie
2006.
this was how i spent my new year's eve. after work, shafi my cousin and i went kfc to have our dinner and then after that we were bored so we wanted to walk inside the zoo and that was around 7 close to 8 plus. thanks to the security, he was about to punch out, so after punching his card, he took us on the buggy and drove us one whole round around the zoo. it was eery at that time. especially went we drove at the children's world area. also the tram stop 4. very very spooky. but it was all fun. well at least for that time. so after that, took a bus home. bathed and all and that played halo on the x box. i couldn't finish the game so i gave up playing around 1 plus. people message me here and there only wish afew sorry for those whom i didn't wish. anyway, happy new year. hanis called me if i wanted to go out and join him, but i was home and i don't think it would be a good idea celebrating. i hate going home late because there's no transport unless i have motorbike. which probably i'll have when i get maried only i can't even enrole for the motorbike license.
right now, all i just want to do is a getaway. i really need a getaway. i'm currently listening alot to death cab for cutie and franz ferdinand and right now, i love this song by death cab. i will follow you into the dark. it's very stoning. work life is killing me, i can't ever spend time with my friends. this is how my life goes. 2005 is over. welcome 2006.
once again, happy new year. hello 2006....
green green green:)
at 9:50 pm
