Talk Show On Mute

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

i was supposed to meet up with sara today to shop for our mother's birthday present as promised but like what she said, she's too used of me getting her false hope and in the end, i'm the one who backed out. i don't know what's going on, what's happening to me, what has gone in me. anyway, Happy Belated Birthday to my mother. she turned 54 yesterday if i'm not wrong. :)

i told myself i need to clean up my room as i procrastinated the last time and now my body is aching. i need to have a hair cut soon. i'm thinking if i should go to work later or i'll be stuck at home with miseries and emotional thoughts running through my mind. i need to get things worked out, things disappear like in a david copperfield's magic and also trying to to think so much. i really need a getaway but at the same time i need to money to help out my mother settle some stuff.

i am still not enlisted for ns yet. shafi, faiz and myself are the ones left and it's eating us alive because all of us are hoping for an early enlistment, get done and over with!

ite is having a graduation day on the 7th and hoping it'll be nice.

i realised that i have been blogging alot this few days.

green green green:)
at 8:55 am

Sunday, April 27, 2008

after work was tiring, had a good jog with my fellow colleague, great runner. i had a good bath after the run and it was refreshing. i was on on my way home and i started to drift away about my fuckin' messed up life. i was on the bus sitting facing my own reflection think why am i complicating stuff, why am i finding things to make it worse?

i was walking towards my block and i stopped by to watch the takraw match which i find it quite interesting. but i realised that i have to back early to do some unfinished business at home.. clean my dusty study table filled with my books and also help out my mother to clear some stuff that has to go and gone from the house.

after doing all that, i decided to flip through all the channel and found out from my sister that babel was a good story on star movies. i'm watching it right now and also trying at my best to multi task to write an email to fellow zoo colleagues regarding the party this coming week.

babel is good sad story. it's quite emotional that i teared while watching, as usual. hahaha.

anyway, good night world, hello misery.

green green green:)
at 10:00 pm

Friday, April 25, 2008

i want to be buried in your backyard - nightmare of you

i feel so fuckin' sad that i think the world doesn't deserve me.
i feel so fuckin' hated that i wished i wasn't born.
i feel so fuckin' fucked that i wished the word fuck don't exist.

i have been trying to wake up every morning like how i used to when everything was alright. now when i wake up, i feel every single second, a pile of shit drops on me. the only way of getting rid or to make me forget about all of these is to work my ass off.

but on the other hand, i have totally lost my interest and respect for working the zoo, i don't feel at ease, i don't feel happy. every morning when i come to work, everyone said i have the most sour face during briefing. so i do have a sour face, because the whole changing of the environment is so drastic and i just cannot take it anymore. come what may.

i was listening to the ataris on my way to work just now and it actually played this song called "in this diary". the lyrics were nice and i find it very soothing. if i'm not wrong i actually wrote it in one of my previous entries a long time ago during my secondary school days.

let me quote one of the lines in the lyrics that i actually like

all the nights we stayed up talkin'
listening to 80s song
and quoting lines from all those movies that we love
it still brings a smile to my face

yes screw if you want to but i'm very hooked up to this song. this one's a sad one!

green green green:)
at 12:19 am

Thursday, April 24, 2008

so it was confirmed that my external drive could not be saved. the worse part about it is that i had to pay 70 dollars for the repair. i was quite sad because there were valuable stuff inside, such as my photos, and my writings of my life. whatever i wrote, it's there.

about writing, it has been a long time since i last wrote. so here is my first attempt after a long time. hahha.

i didn't expect it would be that day
i didn't want to hear what they had to say
how long will i ever have to keep this
why does it even have to exist

the night is windy
can i reach out to somebody?
i curled up under my blanket
it seems that i can never accept the fact

I kept myself in the dark
Damn this suck
I stood at the corner right there
telling myself it’s just a nightmare

green green green:)
at 12:03 am

Friday, April 18, 2008

won't go home without you- maroon 5

why am i blogging in the wee hours?
have you ever thought that life's a bitch.
especially when you're at the top thinking everything is fine.

we just had a big family issue today and i hope it ends there.
my external drive is spoilt, my music, my photos, my writings, might just be wiped out away.
relationship is going on a bumpy road, never ending.

it just gets better... i keep telling myself this everytime, every single time when i'm down, low and behold. i want to be away, sitting on a sandy beach, let my thought astray, drowning my sorrows into the sea or just fly across the night clear sky crashing against the clouds, looking at those sparkling bright stars, wishing life was like a fairy tale that has its happy ending.

i need to snap myself back to reality. i guess i depend too much on living-in-fantasy style. i'll tell myself this will all be gone after i go to sleep, this will all just be a bad dream.. good night to unfair surroundings. good morning to the smell of milo and toasted bread.

green green green:)
at 1:31 am